New Blog, New Year, and New Goals

I made a few changes to the blog! I hope you all like the new layout and title. I've been meaning to change it for a while and *gasp* the kids went to bed early tonight so I decided that tonight is the night! Believe it or not, when I began the blog I never intended for it to be published - it began an easy way for me to keep my research about homeschooling organized. Ridhwi was reading over my shoulder one day and thought I had some good stuff and suggested I publish it - so I did! I thought it would only be my family and possibly a few friends who were interested enough to read it so I have been amazed and humbled this year to have so many positive words of support and interest from over 3,000 people on 4 continents. I would like to take a minute to thank everyone who has mentioned how much they enjoy reading it. It is a huge source of encouragement and support to me.

I've been giving the future a lot of thought lately. For so long our family was in a holding pattern - waiting to see where we would go for residency, surviving residency, deciding where to move once we were finished, and moving. For the first time we are settled and I must say, it feels great. The kids are now two and three and can actually start to help with a few things and follow directions. The days when I feel overwhelmed are waning and my ability to do things with the kids is growing. Two nights ago, Ridhwi and I had a discussion about where we are on the homeschooling front and came up with a definitive plan - I will be writing about this soon. On the personal front, I have a few things I have been struggling with the last few years. Now that we are settled, I have decided there is no reason to put things off any further. This year I will turn 29 and, since it will be the last of my 20's, I have decided to make it count. This year, I will become who I've always wanted to be. I've written before about my struggles feeling "useful" as a stay-at-home mom and about missing my career. Deciding to homeschool the kids and writing this blog helps, but I still miss teaching. Keeping all of this in mind, I have made a few goals for the year. I don't want to use the word resolution because I understand that plans change and circumstances can change, but these are things that I want to work towards to feel good about myself. It might even take more than a year, and I'm okay with that.  

Here they are:

1. Follow my interests. When I began college I had an extremely difficult time deciding between music education and english education. In the end it was the fact I wanted a more traditional classroom that made the decision for me. Throughout high school and college I played clarinet in band. I really enjoy music but have not been able to do anything with it for years and it is something I deeply miss. I have decided that this year I will work on the goal of learning to play the piano. Since I already know how to read music, I think it shouldn't be too hard. The difficultly of accomplishing this goal is that we don't have a piano! I am hoping to at least get a keyboard. Maybe then I can teach the girls too - that would be something I would really enjoy.

2. Make friends. This is something I struggle with. I am not a naturally outgoing person and meeting new people is something that causes me anxiety (one of the reasons I love Ridhwi so much is because he is so outgoing he usually takes care of this for me).  However, he works a lot and I need friends and to do things outside of the home. This is it- this is where we are going to live and make our home and lives. It can be hard to meet people when you stay at home but I've already made several (and all on my own)! I'm hosting a girls' night in a few weeks and having my friends bring their friends so I'm hoping I can meet even more awesome people. I'm planning to attend a book club where I don't know anyone next week. I asked the librarian about it and she said that that mostly older women attend but that they would probably really appreciate me coming so I'm going to give it a try. Ridhwi's working so I booked a babysitter for a few hours and all I have to do is finish the book. It makes me anxious, but I'm hoping that since I'll be in a familiar discussion (I love talking about books) that this will help me break the ice a bit. 

3. Be healthier. Early last year I joined weight watchers and lost 25 pounds. With everything going on I have remained the same weight, but I am looking forward to getting back on the weight-loss boat. There have been times in my life where I have put on weight - times that were particularly stressful where I put on weight. My second pregnancy was also not very nice to my body. I do not have a specific goal weight in mind but I do have a specific pant size - the size I wore in high school. Part of feeling like I've lost myself over the last few years was feeling like I also lost my body - both from the weight gained and the changes from childbirth. I can't do anything about the damage from the pregnancies (hello stretch marks!) but I can do something about the weight, so I will. I am intending to do it realistically. I might still indulge a little bit if Ridhwi and I go out but overall I will count my points and watch my portion sizes. I don't care how long it takes me to lose the weight, I want to do it in a realistic and manageable way that will ensure I keep it off, which fad diets won't do. I know that this will make me feel good, and it will be great for the girls to see me making healthy choices and meals. 

4. Have healthy relationships. Since we don't live near family, I've learned the importance of relationships - good relationships. I've also learned who my true friends are (those that make as much of an effort as I do to continue a relationship). My goal this year is to foster healthy relationships with some friends and family. It's just not worth it when I find myself upset about something someone several states away is doing/saying. My life is here now, and I will make it a great one (see goal 2). This year I will be kind with everyone, but maybe not pursue certain relationships as I have in the past. It kind of makes me feel like a bad person, but I think it will make me happier in the end.

I'm hoping that I can begin my 30's not as a "new" me, but rather as my true self that shines on the inside and the outside. For the first time in years I am feeling confident in myself and where I am in my life. I am feeling I can manage more than just surviving the day with two small children, and I am excited about the future.