The Wonderful Gift of the Second Child

I write a lot about Amita on this blog. She's the first child, so I am sort of "figuring things out" with her. She's also the only one old enough to do any sort of schooling, as Ashima is only 20 months right now. However, Ashima is always here adding her little baby opinion on how I run things and what she would like to do. The other night I was giving her a bottle (yes, she still takes a bottle *insert eye roll*) and stroking her little face thinking about how incredible she is. When I was pregnant with her, I often wondered what she would be like. Would she look like Amita? Act like her? I think most the pregnancy didn't seem "real" to me in the way that Amita's did. I obviously knew I was pregnant, gave up caffeine and alcohol, took my prenatals, and pretty much expected another Amita. I thought I knew exactly what to expect. 

Let's not even get into the completely different unmedicated (against my will) labor that was only 5 hours long. We were lucky we even made it to the hospital. The doctor arrived 3 minutes before she came out. When I first got a glimpse of Ashima, I was shocked. I'm not sure what I was expecting and it seems stupid now, but she looked nothing like her sister. She weighed more, she cried differently, she didn't have the abundance of hair that Amita had, she was just different. Her own little person.

During pregnancy, deep in the recesses of my heart, I had silently wondered if I could love Ashima as much as I loved Amita. It might make me a bad mom to say that, but I did. However, I shouldn't have worried. The second she was born, I learned that God does not take away the love you have for one child to make room for another, nor do you love one less. Instead, He makes your heart bigger for your next baby. I love them both an unimaginable about - but in two different ways. It's like the song lyrics to Murder in the City by the Avett Brothers:

"I wonder which brother is better/the one our parents love the most/I sure did get in lots of trouble/they seemed to let the other go. / I wondered what my dad would say/he said, "I love you and I'm proud of you both in so many different ways."

Don't get me wrong, first kids are amazing too. After all, they are the ones who make you a mother. They teach you how to be a parent. All of their firsts are your firsts too and that is an incredible experience. 

However, the second child (insert sigh). They are so similar yet distinctively dissimilar. They are the ones who help perfect your parenting skills or teach you that, in fact, you know nothing. They are just like their sibling, but nothing like their sibling. I still am amazed how how Amita and Ashima are different - yet strangely similar. Ashima has picked up on weird sayings of Amita, copies almost all of her sister's actions, and will often have sympathy tears to offer up when Amita is crying. She is loving and compassionate, strong and cuddly, and a definite leader. Ridhwi and I joke and say that all of the "bad" ideas that the girls come up with are Ashima's idea. She teaches Amita how to misbehave and then Amita tells on her and gets her in trouble. Ashima does not hold grudges, though (like Amita), she still loves her sister and they are good friends just minutes later. Ashima is easy to smile and just as easy to anger, and immensely fun to be around - she's the life of the party.

When I was pregnant, I would pray to God asking for a baby who liked to cuddle and boy did he give it to me! When Ashima was a baby she would only sleep if I was holding her. I don't know how many times the first couple of months when I would prop my arm up on a blanket, lay down, and take a small nap with her because it was the only time I would be able to sleep. Even now, at 20 months, she frequently cries and wants to come and sleep in Ridhwi's and my room in her portable crib. She loves to be held, loved, and cuddled, and I love the opportunity to do it.

One amazing thing about Ashima is that she just learns things. I feel like with Amita, ever since her speech problem, I've been constantly trying to think of things to teach her or she asks me to teach her things things - she gives me a clear path. With Ashima, I'll be reading to her and she will say words or point to things that I had been teaching Amita the day before. She already knows how to count to 10 and say three word sentences! It's truly amazing, especially when I think that Amita wasn't even saying a single word at this age. When I teach Amita, I teach Ashima too. 

I also feel like I've had more of a chance to "enjoy" Ashima. With Amita, at least during her baby phase, I was so worried about doing everything "right" and figuring out the technical details that the first few months passed by incredibly quickly (not only because we moved across the country). But with Ashima, we were settled and I purposefully asked that we don't get too many visitors right away. I already knew how to nurse, change diapers, give a bath, and generally what to expect. I was much more calm and had more time to just enjoy the baby phase. It was hectic with a 15 month-old and a newborn, but God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, and I did. It's neat to watch Ashima go through the same phases Amita went through and see if she acts the same or does something new. 

Perhaps one of the neatest things about having a second child is giving the oldest child automatic playmate and partner in crime. I love that the girls are close (for the most part) and that they play together. They are incredibly close in age and I'm guessing when they are 15 and 16 they will have some similar friends and be able to "hang out" together. I can only imagine when they are 30 and 31 and have families of their own. They will presumably start them around the same time and be able to have someone to support them and someone to lean on. At least, this is my hope. I am so happy to have been able to give them an automatic support system in life.

Having two children is wonderful, and I have found that each one is a gift in their own way. We intend to have one or two more children and I can't wait to see what surprises they have in store. I can't wait to see what their personalities are like and how they act. At the end of the Avett Brothers song I mentioned above, they sing, "Always remember there's nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name." It is such a powerful lyric - and completely true.  A family is one of God's greatest gifts, and I am so thankful to have been blessed with an abundance of love from my mine.

Parking Lot Safety

One of the hardest things about having two kids (at least for me) is dealing with getting them in the car, and then unloaded at our next stop. We live in an apartment complex and I am always worried about them running around when I'm not looking. The same goes for the grocery store which is a VERY busy grocery store with small parking spots and it can be easy to lose them when they run away.

Well, the other day I was surfing the internet, and saw a post on Pintrest that lead me to this link: http://www.parkingpalmagnet.com/Parking-Pal--Only-899_ep_7.html.

Apparently, someone had the good idea to put a magnet with a handprint on in and when you are putting one kid in the car, the other keeps their hand on the magnet. I don't particularly want hand magnets on my car, but I LOVED the concept and ran with it. I always put Ashima in the car first (because she has a harder time following directions) and so Amita has to keep her hand on the circle where the gas tank goes. She doesn't seem to mind and I don't have to worry where she is at all times! It was such a great idea I had to share. 

As My Trial Period Comes to an End...

The time is coming where my three month trial with The Learning Box is up. I have decided not to renew for a while - we are going to be having family up for Ridhwis' graduation in June and then we're moving! I am also a little behind. As motivated as I was with my new organization system (which is working really well), I am still lagging a bit. I think I need to find a better time to do the activities because if I have anything going on during the afternoon homeschooling seems to get pushed back and then doesn't happen. 

I'm thinking I'm going to take the summer "off" and I have a couple of reasons for this. The first is that with homeschooling I'll be able to take lots of random breaks whenever I want. It also lines up with summer and since we'll be moving to WI we need to enjoy the outside and the warm weather when we can! Also, just because I'm choosing to stop using The Learning Box does not mean I can't teach: trips to the zoo and a trip to Niagara Falls are plans for the near future as well as practicing letters and shapes with sidewalk chalk, fine motor skills and speech with blowing bubbles, swimming, bicycle riding, long walks, time at the park, etc. There are TONS of summertime actives which promote learning and I look forward to exploring them. I'll be sure to post the things I feel work well! 

I think that when I go back to The Learning Box in the fall I'll be in a much better place to be successful - I'll have the option of help if I would like it, I'll have MANY more activities (YMCA, summer camp, dance, music lessons, etc.) the girls can be involved in, and I'll have a lot more room since we'll be in a house instead of an apartment. Maybe I can even having a corner/room for homeschooling, the prep time would be SO much easier because I wouldn't have to get it out and organized every time.  

We are coming upon some big changes in our family and our life and I look forward to experiencing all the goodness the next couple of months hold. 

10 Things My Mother Taught Me (When She Didn't Realize It)

For Mother's Day, I decided to write a small piece dedicated to a great woman and one of my best friends: my mom.

Here are some of the greatest lessons I learned from my mom:

1. Always stick up for your kids. My mom was always my biggest advocate, and in many ways she still is. She taught me from a young age what it meant to believe in your children and to wholeheartedly encourage, support, and inspire. 

2. What it means to belong to a community. My mom was always active in different city and church organizations. She helped me understand the importance of belonging to a community and encouraged me to be active in extracurriculars in high school and college. Some of my best memories are because of those activities and I am so thankful I did them. While living in Michigan during Ridhwi's residency, I have not been able to be very active because of Ridhwi's work schedule and having two young kids. It makes me realize how important it is to be a part of a community and how much I miss it now that I'm away. This is one of the things I am looking forward to most when we move to Wisconsin next month- becoming active in the town. 

3. Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself. It doesn't accomplish anything. Sometimes you have to pull up your big girl panties and do something to make your situation better.

4. Sometimes you just need your momma. No matter how old I am, some times I just need a hug from my mom.

5. The importance of helping others. My parents have always helped others and taught me to do so from an early age. Whether it is serving at a food kitchen, adopting children overseas through different organizations, or letting friends crash at our house when they need to, my parents have always been open and loving to those in need. My mom is also one of the most compassionate people I have ever met, bar none. Any time I need her she is ready to listen not with her ears, but with her heart.

6. The beauty of a strong marriage. This is one of the most beautiful things my mother has taught me - something that has greatly enriched my own life. My parents have been happily married for 35 years. They taught me that true love is selfless and kind, and what it means to truly and wholly love your spouse. 

7. The value of hard work. My parents owned a business when I was growing up, and they definitely had to work to make it successful. Long nights, early mornings, and business trips were common. However, no matter how hard my parents worked, they always made family a priority. This lesson also applied to school. I've always had a tough time with math - no matter how hard I tried. I remember once in college I got a C- on a test after weeks of studying. I was really upset and drove home to have dinner with my parents. They asked me a simple question, "did you try your best?" I replied I did and they said, "then that's all we can ask for". I realized at that moment a very important life lesson - that sometimes all you can do is your very best and you should be proud of the work you have done, regardless of a grade. I was a better person for the hard work I had put in and that was what was important. 


8. How to be an adult. By the time I left for college, I could cook, do my own laundry, manage my finances, and generally be independent. I was taught these lessons growing up and I was thankful that when I moved away from home I was emotionally and physically able to take care of myself. I didn't go through an "idiot" phase in life while I learned tough life lessons because I had been taught them at home before I left. 


9. The importance of doing the right thing. My mom has alway taught me to do what is right, even if it is hard. Not only has she shown me through examples in her own life, but also has lovingly guided me through problems in my own, helping to shape me into the person I am today.


10. How to be a mother. Perhaps the greatest lesson my mom has taught me is how to be a mother to my own children. Many times I find myself calling and asking for advice. I value her experience and I am so grateful to have her in my life. One of the most unforgettable moments of my life is when she walked in my hospital room after having delivered Amita and my mom saw her for the first time - I'll never forget the look on her face. She looked back at me and it was as though our bond had somehow strengthened - I understood all the times she said, "when you're a mother you'll understand" and how she would say that there was nothing stronger than a mother's love. She was absolutely right. In that moment I finally understood the extent to which she loved and cared for me all those years.


So here's to you, mom. I love you.  I sincerely hope you have a happy Mother's Day. Wish we could be there to celebrate with you.