I write a lot about Amita on this blog. She's the first child, so I am sort of "figuring things out" with her. She's also the only one old enough to do any sort of schooling, as Ashima is only 20 months right now. However, Ashima is always here adding her little baby opinion on how I run things and what she would like to do. The other night I was giving her a bottle (yes, she still takes a bottle *insert eye roll*) and stroking her little face thinking about how incredible she is. When I was pregnant with her, I often wondered what she would be like. Would she look like Amita? Act like her? I think most the pregnancy didn't seem "real" to me in the way that Amita's did. I obviously knew I was pregnant, gave up caffeine and alcohol, took my prenatals, and pretty much expected another Amita. I thought I knew exactly what to expect.
Let's not even get into the completely different unmedicated (against my will) labor that was only 5 hours long. We were lucky we even made it to the hospital. The doctor arrived 3 minutes before she came out. When I first got a glimpse of Ashima, I was shocked. I'm not sure what I was expecting and it seems stupid now, but she looked nothing like her sister. She weighed more, she cried differently, she didn't have the abundance of hair that Amita had, she was just different. Her own little person.
During pregnancy, deep in the recesses of my heart, I had silently wondered if I could love Ashima as much as I loved Amita. It might make me a bad mom to say that, but I did. However, I shouldn't have worried. The second she was born, I learned that God does not take away the love you have for one child to make room for another, nor do you love one less. Instead, He makes your heart bigger for your next baby. I love them both an unimaginable about - but in two different ways. It's like the song lyrics to Murder in the City by the Avett Brothers:
Don't get me wrong, first kids are amazing too. After all, they are the ones who make you a mother. They teach you how to be a parent. All of their firsts are your firsts too and that is an incredible experience.
However, the second child (insert sigh). They are so similar yet distinctively dissimilar. They are the ones who help perfect your parenting skills or teach you that, in fact, you know nothing. They are just like their sibling, but nothing like their sibling. I still am amazed how how Amita and Ashima are different - yet strangely similar. Ashima has picked up on weird sayings of Amita, copies almost all of her sister's actions, and will often have sympathy tears to offer up when Amita is crying. She is loving and compassionate, strong and cuddly, and a definite leader. Ridhwi and I joke and say that all of the "bad" ideas that the girls come up with are Ashima's idea. She teaches Amita how to misbehave and then Amita tells on her and gets her in trouble. Ashima does not hold grudges, though (like Amita), she still loves her sister and they are good friends just minutes later. Ashima is easy to smile and just as easy to anger, and immensely fun to be around - she's the life of the party.
When I was pregnant, I would pray to God asking for a baby who liked to cuddle and boy did he give it to me! When Ashima was a baby she would only sleep if I was holding her. I don't know how many times the first couple of months when I would prop my arm up on a blanket, lay down, and take a small nap with her because it was the only time I would be able to sleep. Even now, at 20 months, she frequently cries and wants to come and sleep in Ridhwi's and my room in her portable crib. She loves to be held, loved, and cuddled, and I love the opportunity to do it.
One amazing thing about Ashima is that she just learns things. I feel like with Amita, ever since her speech problem, I've been constantly trying to think of things to teach her or she asks me to teach her things things - she gives me a clear path. With Ashima, I'll be reading to her and she will say words or point to things that I had been teaching Amita the day before. She already knows how to count to 10 and say three word sentences! It's truly amazing, especially when I think that Amita wasn't even saying a single word at this age. When I teach Amita, I teach Ashima too.
I also feel like I've had more of a chance to "enjoy" Ashima. With Amita, at least during her baby phase, I was so worried about doing everything "right" and figuring out the technical details that the first few months passed by incredibly quickly (not only because we moved across the country). But with Ashima, we were settled and I purposefully asked that we don't get too many visitors right away. I already knew how to nurse, change diapers, give a bath, and generally what to expect. I was much more calm and had more time to just enjoy the baby phase. It was hectic with a 15 month-old and a newborn, but God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, and I did. It's neat to watch Ashima go through the same phases Amita went through and see if she acts the same or does something new.
Perhaps one of the neatest things about having a second child is giving the oldest child automatic playmate and partner in crime. I love that the girls are close (for the most part) and that they play together. They are incredibly close in age and I'm guessing when they are 15 and 16 they will have some similar friends and be able to "hang out" together. I can only imagine when they are 30 and 31 and have families of their own. They will presumably start them around the same time and be able to have someone to support them and someone to lean on. At least, this is my hope. I am so happy to have been able to give them an automatic support system in life.
Having two children is wonderful, and I have found that each one is a gift in their own way. We intend to have one or two more children and I can't wait to see what surprises they have in store. I can't wait to see what their personalities are like and how they act. At the end of the Avett Brothers song I mentioned above, they sing, "Always remember there's nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name." It is such a powerful lyric - and completely true. A family is one of God's greatest gifts, and I am so thankful to have been blessed with an abundance of love from my mine.
Let's not even get into the completely different unmedicated (against my will) labor that was only 5 hours long. We were lucky we even made it to the hospital. The doctor arrived 3 minutes before she came out. When I first got a glimpse of Ashima, I was shocked. I'm not sure what I was expecting and it seems stupid now, but she looked nothing like her sister. She weighed more, she cried differently, she didn't have the abundance of hair that Amita had, she was just different. Her own little person.
During pregnancy, deep in the recesses of my heart, I had silently wondered if I could love Ashima as much as I loved Amita. It might make me a bad mom to say that, but I did. However, I shouldn't have worried. The second she was born, I learned that God does not take away the love you have for one child to make room for another, nor do you love one less. Instead, He makes your heart bigger for your next baby. I love them both an unimaginable about - but in two different ways. It's like the song lyrics to Murder in the City by the Avett Brothers:
"I wonder which brother is better/the one our parents love the most/I sure did get in lots of trouble/they seemed to let the other go. / I wondered what my dad would say/he said, "I love you and I'm proud of you both in so many different ways."
Don't get me wrong, first kids are amazing too. After all, they are the ones who make you a mother. They teach you how to be a parent. All of their firsts are your firsts too and that is an incredible experience.
However, the second child (insert sigh). They are so similar yet distinctively dissimilar. They are the ones who help perfect your parenting skills or teach you that, in fact, you know nothing. They are just like their sibling, but nothing like their sibling. I still am amazed how how Amita and Ashima are different - yet strangely similar. Ashima has picked up on weird sayings of Amita, copies almost all of her sister's actions, and will often have sympathy tears to offer up when Amita is crying. She is loving and compassionate, strong and cuddly, and a definite leader. Ridhwi and I joke and say that all of the "bad" ideas that the girls come up with are Ashima's idea. She teaches Amita how to misbehave and then Amita tells on her and gets her in trouble. Ashima does not hold grudges, though (like Amita), she still loves her sister and they are good friends just minutes later. Ashima is easy to smile and just as easy to anger, and immensely fun to be around - she's the life of the party.
When I was pregnant, I would pray to God asking for a baby who liked to cuddle and boy did he give it to me! When Ashima was a baby she would only sleep if I was holding her. I don't know how many times the first couple of months when I would prop my arm up on a blanket, lay down, and take a small nap with her because it was the only time I would be able to sleep. Even now, at 20 months, she frequently cries and wants to come and sleep in Ridhwi's and my room in her portable crib. She loves to be held, loved, and cuddled, and I love the opportunity to do it.
One amazing thing about Ashima is that she just learns things. I feel like with Amita, ever since her speech problem, I've been constantly trying to think of things to teach her or she asks me to teach her things things - she gives me a clear path. With Ashima, I'll be reading to her and she will say words or point to things that I had been teaching Amita the day before. She already knows how to count to 10 and say three word sentences! It's truly amazing, especially when I think that Amita wasn't even saying a single word at this age. When I teach Amita, I teach Ashima too.
I also feel like I've had more of a chance to "enjoy" Ashima. With Amita, at least during her baby phase, I was so worried about doing everything "right" and figuring out the technical details that the first few months passed by incredibly quickly (not only because we moved across the country). But with Ashima, we were settled and I purposefully asked that we don't get too many visitors right away. I already knew how to nurse, change diapers, give a bath, and generally what to expect. I was much more calm and had more time to just enjoy the baby phase. It was hectic with a 15 month-old and a newborn, but God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, and I did. It's neat to watch Ashima go through the same phases Amita went through and see if she acts the same or does something new.
Perhaps one of the neatest things about having a second child is giving the oldest child automatic playmate and partner in crime. I love that the girls are close (for the most part) and that they play together. They are incredibly close in age and I'm guessing when they are 15 and 16 they will have some similar friends and be able to "hang out" together. I can only imagine when they are 30 and 31 and have families of their own. They will presumably start them around the same time and be able to have someone to support them and someone to lean on. At least, this is my hope. I am so happy to have been able to give them an automatic support system in life.
Having two children is wonderful, and I have found that each one is a gift in their own way. We intend to have one or two more children and I can't wait to see what surprises they have in store. I can't wait to see what their personalities are like and how they act. At the end of the Avett Brothers song I mentioned above, they sing, "Always remember there's nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name." It is such a powerful lyric - and completely true. A family is one of God's greatest gifts, and I am so thankful to have been blessed with an abundance of love from my mine.
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