That's Important to Me

I've always been a rebel at heart, a person who likes to go against "the man" and do things my own way. I've always held my convictions very strongly to my chest and have no problem sharing them. However, I've noticed in the last couple of years I've gotten pretty mellow in terms of my mood, feelings, and emotions. I'm more sensitive than I used to be, more accepting than I used to be, and just generally a more relaxed person. It's not like I was trying to be high strung earlier, I'm just not, now. About two years ago I was hanging on to something petty - still angry and hurt about it nearly a year after it happened. I also had a hard time after Amita was born adjusting to motherhood and the move to Michigan and I never really got over that either. I remember thinking to myself, "Am I being the person I want to be?" and "Is this the best you've got to offer the world?" I realized it wasn't, and I didn't like that about myself.

Over time I've been working on being a better person - the person I want and strive to be- and it has made me infinitely happier. I'm not sure if it was quitting my job, becoming a mom, moving away from family, getting older, or a combination of all of those (most likely), but I've come to really enjoy where I am in life. That's not to say that everything is perfect all the time and I don't get stressed out. It's just to say that when I close my eyes at the end of the day, I am happy. Happy in a way wasn't "before". Before what, I'm not sure. I just know that I didn't use to feel like this, and now I do. Since moving I have been really concentrating on things I feel are truly important - things that make me happy and give me peace - and trying to weed the "junk" out of my life. 

Inspired by the song "That's Important to Me" by Joey + Rory (the best singer/songwriter duo in country music, in my humble opinion), I have compiled a list of the things that are important to me, large or small. The things/beliefs/attitudes that make a difference in my life - things that mean something to me. So, without further ado, here are the things have affect me and make me happy, in no particular order.

Family. I love them "with a love that is greater than love", to borrow from Poe. There is nothing more important to me than them. Nothing.

Television - or lack thereof. I gave up TV once Amita was old enough to start paying attention and it has been one of the best things I've ever done. I don't need that crap and neither do the kids. I let them watch a show or two on Netflix every now and again but they don't constantly watch it. I am never up to date with current events but I don't care. Ridhwi and I watch one show a night (usually a series) and that's it. I could do without that too but Ridhwi likes TV so we do it together. If I don't like what he's picked I just read a book. I don't miss it at all.

Yoga. Yoga calms and relaxes me. It makes me more in tune with my body. When I lived in Platte City, MO, and went to class with Jackie, it was like a religious experience for me.

Candles and incense. I like them. This might sound like a small thing, but there are few things greater in life than lighting a cinnamon Yankee Candle, making some hot chocolate, and watching a movie in the fall. It's the little things.

Having good finances. Staying out of debt (the bad kind) and living within our means is very important to Ridhwi and I. We might have to make sacrifices, but we do it.  

Living somewhere I can "breathe". I am not a big city person. I get claustrophobic. Sure, I like visiting our family in New York City but I couldn't live there. I want a place with a bit of land for a garden, where I can sit on a porch and watch the sunset, and watch my kids run in the yard.

Music. I really like 90's Country, 70's rock, Americana, and Bluegrass. My favorite bands are the Avett Brothers and Joey + Rory (they speak to my heart). Again, it's the small things.

Being a mom. It is important to me that I am the best mom I can be. My children deserve no less. It doesn't mean that I am perfect or that I have completely given my life to my kids, it just means that I want them to be happy, healthy, intelligent, and kind people, and I try to make that happen.

Loving my husband. Few things in life are worth the time and investment as a marriage. A healthy, strong marriage is such a beautiful thing and I am so thankful that I get to be a part of one. That doesn't mean that Ridhwi and I don't work at it, we certainly do. Each day we make sure they other person's needs come before our own and we have to make communication a priority, but the rewards that come from that are amazing. I'm so in love with Ridhwi.

Cooking. Not only do I find it relaxing, I enjoy giving my family something that I lovingly made for them.

Books. Nothing is better than getting caught up in a good book.

Believing that you get out of the world what you put in. Being slow to anger, understanding others, forgiving quickly, and loving in abundance, are very important to me. It's not always easy but I do my best and make conscious decisions to change my thoughts/behavior to be a better person. Do I find myself thinking that the girl next to me shouldn't have worn that outfit? Sure, but I keep it to myself. The energy we put out in the world returns to us. Why put unnecessary negative thoughts and feelings in the world? Enough bad energy exists without unnecessarily and consciously adding to it, thank you very much.

Opening the windows in the spring. Ridhwi doesn't understand this one but I'm telling you, the crisp air, the gentle breeze, the sounds of nature, it's something I look forward to every year, allergies be damned.

Spending time with God - in any form. During Ridhwi's residency we have not been able to go to church as much as I would like and strangely enough, my spirituality is at an all time high. I think the more time you spend in prayer (from where ever you might be), the more the Holy Spirit fills you and helps you spread that peace to others. We pray with the kids daily and I do daily meditation before bed.

Doing what you enjoy every day. I really enjoyed teaching but I didn't enjoy dealing with some of the kids and politics in the school. I also really want to spend these years with my kids. I am lucky enough to be able to be a stay-at-home mom and have come to really enjoy it.

Some times it is better to be a nice person than to be "right".  Some people get so caught up in being right that they don't realize they are being offensive and hurting people. I'm not sure why they feel the need to do so, but being a good person is always the road we should choose, even it means accepting that other people are allowed to do things differently from you. Just because you may be "right" or "telling the truth" doesn't mean you're not being an ass.

No longer feeling as though I need to make other people think/feel the same things I feel. You know what? We're all different. It's not my job to worry about the state of your eternal soul or your conscience.  It is more important to be nice and respectful, and do the things that bring everyone peace. You want to commune with aliens on your head in the desert? Go ahead, if it makes you happy. We are all allowed to have different ideas (as long as they don't hurt anyone else). It's what makes us all unique and interesting. Let's just live in peace with each other.

Realizing that I am the only one in charge of my feelings/actions. Am I feeling hurt, stressed, emotional? I can choose to feel differently. My emotions are not out of my control. This has not been an easy realization, but it is true. It is not always easy to do, some times I want nothing more than to flip off a bad driver (and there are plenty in Michigan) or dwell on something that hurt me or makes me angry. But you know what? Those negative emotions and feelings affect me, no one else. I feel much better when I choose to forgive someone and move on, or choose to assume the best of a person (they must be driving their pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver a baby, right?). I don't let people walk on me but I do consciously choose to see the best in the world and dwell on positive things.

I want to be a good person. To enjoy life as best I can while I'm here. To love my family with abandon.  To live in a house that I have made a home and is filled with things I love, to show others how much I love them, and enjoy the simple things life has to offer. These things are the things that are important to me.

Not-Just-For-Easter Egg Hunt

My husband had to work the entire Easter weekend - Saturday until Sunday afternoon in the hospital. Because of this, we had our own family egg hunt late Sunday in the front of our apartment so Daddy could partake in the festivities. 

One thing I learned having my own egg hunt instead of going somewhere - egg hunts are AWESOME! Do you know how engaged my kids were? First, they ran around for a long time. Then, they sat very nicely while we opened each egg and put the jellybeans in a bag. For Amita, it was also learning experience. She was identifying colors and counting each jellybean. They also behaved after that for a long time. The whole hunt took about an hour. The only downside was protecting the eggs from the 5 year-old neighbor hoodlums-in-training who told me that if I put the eggs on the pavement they would run over them with their bikes and then eat the candy. They then kept a close eye on our activities until the eggs were picked up.

I'm thinking I could do several educational things:

1. Puzzle pieces - put the puzzle together at the end
2. Pieces of paper with letter or words. Once they are old enough to read they could put sentences/stories/poems together using the words
3. Magnetic letters - I could have them match the upper to the lowercase as well as just identify them
4. Pictures of Animals - we can talk about each animal and the sound it makes
5. Fill them with clues (when the kids are older) of where a bigger "prize" is hidden
6. Coloring book pages

And some non-educational things:

1. Stickers
2. Jelly bracelets
3. Goldfish crackers or some other snack- make 'em work for their food, ha!
4. Rocks. For some reason Amita has a weird thing about rocks. She really likes them. Poor Ashima probably wouldn't enjoy this one very much.
5. Nothing- you gotta keep 'em on their toes!
6. Their own toys - they'll be like new again!
7. Hair ties - they love them
8. Band aids - Amita thinks they are the newest craze in fashion
9. Crayons

My sweet babies. 

Book Review - The Everything Homeschooling Book

I give this book a 10/10. It is available here. 


I really enjoyed reading this book. It gave me a lot of insight and very helpful, practical advice about how to successfully homeschool. It includes resources, including many websites, strategies, and methods. It also has different educational activities and examples for K-12 which includes information about different learning styles and specific needs. It also included something that was really good for me - a typical homeschool day - which is one question I still have unanswered for if we decide to continue K-12. 

I think this book is incredibly helpful and I intend to purchase it so I can reference it if I have a question. This one is a winner!

Awesome Alphabet Learning Circle

I was on pintrest the other day pinning a bunch of recipes I want to keep. While I was there, I saw a pin about putting the alphabet on the floor. Since we've been working pretty hard on lower case letters (Amita only knows upper case) I decided to do it. What I couldn't imagine is how much the kids love it. Mommy for the win!

I used painters tape so it comes off easily. Also, let me tell you, I've never had greater appreciation for letters like X, T, and Z. Those round letters can be difficult and I hope they don't come off if the kids step on them. Also, if I had thought of it, I might have somehow pre-spaced my letters. I went from thinking I had too much space to having too little. I am not going to redo it, though, I had just enough tape so I'll have to take it as it is.

Possible games/activities I've thought of using the circle: 

1. Assigning each kid a letter - when I read books they have to sit on that letter while I read (also keeps them from crowding me and pulling each other's hair as I read - definitely a great idea!). 
2. Musical Letters - dancing/marching around the circle when music is on, turning it off, and having them run to a letter. 
3. Having them trace the letters with their fingers.
4. Placing corresponding objects on the letters - plastic eggs on the letter E, a bear on the letter B, etc. 

Can you think of any games? If so, please comment and I'll add them to the list!

Mommy Motivation

I had a horrible day last week. The kids were terrible, they wouldn't nap, I hadn't been able to take a shower, and the apartment desperately needed to be cleaned (like, bad). I remember sitting on the floor holding two crying kids, thinking about calling my mom, crying, and asking her asking her to get on a plane and come and help me.

After a few minutes of self-pity, I realized that wasn't really an option (my mom lives in Kansas, I live in Michigan). So, I pulled up my big girl panties and tried to make the situation better. I made funny faces, and tried to tickle the kids, read books, tried turning on music and dancing, everything I could think of.  Nothing worked. Eventually gave up I turned on Veggietales and that distracted them for long enough that I was able to take a shower and get some housework done.

While all of that was going on, I kept thinking to myself, "can I really do this for the next 15+ years?" and "is this what it will be like when I homeschool?" So, I got on the internet and googled all sorts of combinations of the words mommy, homeschooling, and motivation,  thinking that I would immediately feel refreshed and renewed by reading some words of wisdom. Do you know what came up? NOTHING. At least, nothing useful. Plenty exists about how to get kids motivated while homeschooling and how to make them interested in the material, do their lessons, etc. Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed with the idea that I will be completely in charge of my children's education? Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed when the kids are a mess? What do those perfect homeschooling moms do when their kids won't stop crying long enough to get a few words in, let alone any sort of lesson? Where are the blogs about that, HUH?

I am working under the assumption that these bloggers want to keep up the illusion of a perfect house with perfect children and a perfect homeschooling day. The is not the case in my house, though, and I don't mind telling you that. 

As I've mentioned before, I started doing a homeschool curriculum that is mailed to our house every month. I bought it partly because of the convenience factor and partly because of the creativity factor (namely, my lack thereof). It is a three day a week curriculum because Amita is only two and soon to be three and doesn't need to be spending too much time in "school". She's still my baby and needs free play. The part that I did not consider when I purchased this curriculum was the prep time - which is quite a bit (an hour or so) the first day it comes. It might not seem like a lot but when I'm by myself with the kids it is really hard to find uninterrupted time to complete the necessary prep. Then, I started feeling guilty because we spent money on a curriculum and I hadn't used it in over a week. Then, I got behind and wondered if I could do a lesson on clouds during any month other than April, as the curriculum stated. Surely, not, right? Then I thought, "why in the world am I wondering about this?" It is obviously not the most important thought I've ever had. I was getting myself worked up for no reason.

Last week at Amita's swim lessons, the instructor had the kids floating on their backs for 10 seconds. She would count to 10 in english and spanish. About three days later, we went to the grocery store and I asked Amita to count how many apples I had put in the bag. She promptly says, "uno dos, tres, cuatro, cinco." NO JOKE. I couldn't believe it. Then, to top off this moment, Ridhwi turns to me and says, "Amita is not being challenged enough".  I was shocked. Then, I felt bad. Why am I not teaching her mandarin, japanese, german, or all the other languages? Should I start her multiplication tables? How should I challenge her? I had to shamefully admit to Ridhwi that I had not been keeping with my homeschooling routine after I had promised I would. Also, if I complete my walk of shame, Amita had been asking for "school" but I had said no a few times because we were out or I was doing housework. Amita really loves to learn new things - she yearns for it and thrives for knowledge. Then I thought maybe I should just throw her into a preschool, see what happens, and be done with this whole homeschool thing. 

What I decided was that I needed some more organization. As hard as I tried, I was still pretty unorganized about the whole homeschooling thing. I blame Maxwell. No, really, I'm learning as I go. So, on a trip to Target, I decided I needed a filing box and folders (I also decided I needed new cups with neat sippy straws, plates, sunglasses, and shoes for the girls. Target is dangerous.). I then divided the folders into days and then went through the curriculum once the girls were asleep and split it up into each day. It was nice because if I had, for instance, a doctor's appointment one day, I could skip a lesson for that day and plan it for the next day. Since I planned ahead I knew I wouldn't get behind. I'm really excited to "start over" this month and if I have extra time I've got the lessons from the previous month to fill some time if I need.

Mommy motivation is something I struggle with some days. One thing I'm learning about homeschooling is that it does not need to be so organized. If I miss a day, I can make it up another day/time. That's the great thing about what I'm doing. I can plan my life around, well, life. My motivation is deep within me and I think once I find the right system I'll feel not as overwhelmed. While it is really hard for me to let go of some of my need for organization, I need to realize that the kids are not always at their best, much like me. It is better to be flexible with a large plan than inflexible with a small plan. Some days I will do nothing while other I will accomplish multiple lessons. When I look at the larger picture I feel less overwhelmed. I realize that this won't work for everyone - some people are awesome at winging it (I am jealous) but that's just not my teaching style. Not while I was teaching in school and not while I'm doing homeschool. I really think this system will work and once I get the hang of it, I'll have my mommy motivation back. 

Surely this will motivate ANYONE, right? 

Did you notice that I even put the little cards up for each day of the month?  I WILL do this!

I planned the whole month in advance with every lesson. I left at least a day in between in case I need to drag out lessons or something comes up and I can't do a lesson that day. No more feeling overwhelmed!

Book Review: Home Learning Year by Year

I give this book at 9/10. It is available here. 

I originally rented the book from the library and ended up purchasing it from amazon. I found it incredibly helpful and informative. 

Let me start out by saying the only reason I didn't give it a 10/10 is because the copyright is 2000. The one I bought on amazon is 2009, so it is still out of date. However, the information is so informative I decided it didn't matter. 

The book is divided into 14 sections - preschool through 12th grade. Each section is subdivided into different subjects and corresponding resources for the subject. So, if you were interested in Preschool, you could find information about preschool, early childhood resources, magazines for parents, magazines for preschoolers, books for parents, books and resources from kids, and best reading lists. If you were interested in 6th grade mathematics, you could find information on what they should know in 6th grade, number theory, ratio and percent, fractions and decimals, operations, measurement, probability and statistics, geometry, and pre algebra. They also have non-core subjects like music, foreign language, health and physical education, and art covered. This book is an organized list of resources and age appropriate materials - a perfect resource for me.

One of my biggest questions about homeschooling was how I was going to know grade-level indicators. This book answers that question and gives me confidence and peace of mind that I will not be leaving anything out of my homeschooling curriculum.

This book is a keeper!

Side note: I think this book could be very informative for parents with children in school to make sure they are meeting all necessary milestones and learning goals. Additionally, I think it could be useful for teachers since it has some great resources and ideas. 

Learning to Love Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

Growing up, I never thought I would be a Stay-At-Home Mom (SAHM). I wanted to be Teacher of the Year. I wanted to inspire young minds, excite kids about reading, teach eager young minds the wonders and joys of a great novel, help students become awesome readers, writers, people, and citizens. I wanted to change lives.

Two weeks after Amita was born in 2011, we moved to Michigan for Ridhwi's residency. At that time, we faced two decisions: I could work or stay at home. If I worked, I needed to begin applying for jobs immediately. I didn't have a Michigan teaching license or daycare lined up. I also took a really long time to heal from Amita's birth (three months) and wasn't feeling particularly up to being up and around, let alone working. The move was hard enough! The thought of going back to work? It was difficult for me, to say the least. I was also completely in love with my little baby girl. I was scared to be a first-time mom with no family nearby and I was even more scared at the thought of putting her in a daycare and not seeing her.

So Ridhwi (who is such a supportive husband) and I went over the numbers and figured out we could wing it. We both liked the idea of me staying at home, and we were excited about doing it. 

I decided that if I was going to be a SAHM, I would be the best SAHM mom I could be. I would be a pintrest-worthy mom. I would make my own laundry soap, make my own baby food, have a perfectly clean house and my children would grow up to be awesome!

At first, it was wonderful. It was like I lived in a dream, a perfect world where I could sleep in, read, watch TV, practice cooking - anything I wanted! After teaching while pregnant, giving birth, and moving across the country, I really enjoyed the break. I took the baby for walks, got a library card, and explored the community. I was happy. However, it was only about two months before I got sick of daytime TV, I didn't want to read all day, Amita was growing and not allowing me the blocks of time to do the things I had been doing, and winter was coming so walks were no longer an option. I started to become restless. Suddenly, only talking to the check-out person at the grocery store didn't hold as much appeal as it did before. I missed all my friends. I missed my husband (who was always gone for work). I missed my family. I missed having intelligent conversations. I missed making lessons plans and my visiting with students.  However, I would look at my little baby's face and I couldn't imagine being anywhere but with her - she was worth every bit of the sacrifice. I wanted to stay at home with her more than I wanted good conversations (although, I will tell you, baby Amita could be a pretty good conversationalist too). I wondered what was wrong with me. I should be so thankful and lucky to stay at home - I should be glad we were able to do it financially.

I was also married to a man who was in his first year of residency. I counted once that he went seven days without seeing Amita because he got home after she was asleep and went to work before she got up. He consistently worked 16-17 hour days and when he was home he needed sleep. I was basically on my own, night and day. 

It was hard. I loved my kid and wanted to spend time with her but I missed working too. Then, when Amita was six months old, I found out I was pregnant again. I knew I wouldn't be going back to work, at least not during residency. My paycheck would barely cover the cost of daycare so it wasn't practical. I also couldn't imagine working and keeping up the house completely by myself, which I would have to do. I was much like a single parent. The more Amita grew, the less lonely I felt and the more work was needed to care for her. I was also very sick during my pregnancy and had a growing belly and doctor's appointments, so that took my attention too. 

Eventually I learned the names of the check-out people at the grocery store and they learned mine. A fellow resident-wife and I had started a mom's group and we met once a week. They were a great source of support. I also stared Parents as Teachers. I was busy and feeling happy and… important. I hate to use that word, important, but it's the right word. I had been feeling unimportant before. When I realized it, I thought to myself, "how could you be feeling unimportant, you're growing and raising human beings!" It didn't change the way I felt, though. I missed feeling like a professional. I missed human interaction. I hated that sometimes, the only person I would talk to all day was Ridhwi. 

With time, and as the kids get older, I've come to see exactly how much I do and how important is is to our family. We really would not have been able to get through Ridhw's residency without me staying at home. Now that the kids are older I am constantly busy I find myself longing for the early days with Amita where I had time to work on personal projects and only one kid. I don't get frustrated because I do things over and over again that never seem to be finished - like laundry and dishes. Instead, I think about how good of an example I'm setting for my children, I'm showing them how to make a home. There are still days where the only person I talk to is Ridhwi. But he is always there for me to talk to and he lets me talk endlessly about my post office frustrations (or whatever I need to talk about). He constantly tells me how much he appreciates all I do for him and the family. He loves me and understands me and this helps tremendously. 

The biggest thing I've learned about being a SAHM: It's a completely different way of thinking. Instead of feeling good because I made a good lesson plan, I feel good because the girls give me hugs and tell me they love me. Instead of staying up late grading papers, I stay up late folding laundry. Instead of getting up early to commute to work, I get up early with my wonderful children and feed them a healthy breakfast. 

Now that we've decided to homeschool, I think I will get some of that professional satisfaction back (it is NOT the reason we decided to homeschool, for the record). When I think about what I wanted with my life: to be Teacher of the Year, inspire young minds, excite kids about reading, teach eager young minds the wonders and joys of a great novel, help children become awesome writers, people, citizens, and to change lives - I realized that I will be doing ALL of those things. Instead of doing them with other people's children, I'll be doing them with my own! This was an incredibly exciting realization for me. 

I've never become a pintrest-worthy mom. I've yet to make my own laundry soap, I tried making my own baby food once and decided it wasn't worth it when Ashima spit it all over my face, and my kids are not always perfect and the house is not always clean.

When I told my mom I was going to stay at home with the kids, she told me that some days I would do little more than hold my kids and some days would be incredibly productive. I've found that to be a very true piece of advice. Some days the house is a mess and I don't get a shower until the kids nap and other days I've gotten more done before 10:00 than I did the entire week before. I have learned to take one day at a time and enjoy each moment with my children. 

It has been a little bit of a rough transition for me, learning to love being a stay-at-home-mom. I feel bad when I'm with my husband's coworkers and feel I have nothing to add to their conversation except that I found a really good coupon this week or to talk about Amita's success with potty training. I'll never get a promotion or win any awards, but I've realized that that is okay. I'm doing one of the most important things in the world - raising my children. 

Every day I am so proud of them. I am proud of the people they are and the people they are becoming. I am proud of them on the bad days and the good days. And you know what? I've come to realize that is all the professional satisfaction I need.