Why I don't like Elf of the Shelf

Amita is three and really starting to understand the concept of Christmas. I've been looking forward to putting up the tree, making cookies, going to Christmas mass, singing songs, and making our own family traditions - and most of all, seeing her reactions to everything. One thing that I've seen on Facebook and Pintrest that I thought would be fun for a new family tradition was Elf on the Shelf. I saw many cute pictures of Elves in all sorts of neat poses and I could imagine how magical that must be for children. Excited at the prospect of doing this for my kids, I started doing research. What I found was surprising. 

The Elf (every family names their own) comes with his own book that explains the story of Elf on the Shelf. The Elf is sent by Santa to watch over children and report their behavior back to Santa, presumably to help determine if they go on the naughty or nice list and whether or not they will get presents. The Elves are not to be touched by the children and get their "power" when named. Every night the Elf flies back to the North Pole to report on the children's behavior and then comes back and hides before the family wakes up (hence the funny poses).

Maybe because it's a pet peeve of mine, but I was a little surprised to read the meaning behind Elf of the Shelf. I hate it when people tell the girls that they need to be good because Santa is going to come. Do you want to know why? It's because I expect them to be good all the time (within reason) - simply because it is the right thing for them to do. The act of giving Christmas presents does not include a check list I tally to determine the number of presents to give my kids - and I never want them to every think that it might. 

I thought of the things I wanted to teach them about Christmas, and a few things came to mind. The first is love. Love for God, love for others, love for themselves, and love of the Christmas season. I wanted them to practice kindness, gratitude, generosity, and a spirit of giving. I wanted them to get along with each other, and to spend quality time as a family. 

So, I came up with my own idea. This year, we introduced the Kindness Elves. I bought two generic elves on the internet (cheaper than Elf of the Shelf!) and wrote a letter to the kids from the elves. The first day caught me by surprise because we had just gotten back from traveling, so I had the kids start off with the simple action of giving each other a hug (it took them a half an hour to both do it so I think it was a pretty good starting point). The Elves have had them do things to prepare their hearts for the true meaning of Christmas including: making banana bread for our friends and neighbors, hugging family members and helping caring for them when they are sick, making Christmas cards for friends, giving one of their toys to children in need, reading Christmas books as a family, and generally spreading Christmas cheer. It's been a lot of fun to watch the kids look for and find the kindness elves and see what act of kindness we are doing. 

It's been a great tradition for us - one I plan on keeping around even after they no longer believe in Santa. Christmas is about much more than presents and Santa, it's about the love of a family, the traditions that bring us together, and kindness towards others. The elves have helped all of us (myself included) keep that in mind during the holiday season. It's been wonderful to spend time doing meaningful things with the girls while still keeping the magic and whimsy of Elf of the Shelf. It brings my heart so much joy to see them starting to understand what is important in life - and enjoying the process. I'll mark this down in the "win" column!

It's the Small Things: On Having Some Time To Myself

As I've posted previously, one of the hardest things about residency for me was that I was only a mom. From sun up to sundown I was strictly mom and my only job was to take care of the house and care for the kids. If I was lucky, my role could also be modified to include wife for a few hours between when Ridhwi got home and before he went to bed but more often than not that was not the case. 

When we moved to Wisconsin I was adamant that I needed some time to myself - time to explore my own interests and also meet people and develop friendships outside the medical community. Part of this is because I feel like I need it, but part of it is because I want to teach the girls that it is important to have your own hobbies. I want to teach them to have have balance in their life and the best way to teach is through example. 

With Ridhwi's new schedule and changes with the new job, I've been able to get a babysitter a couple times a month while I take a pottery class.  I cannot tell you what these couple of hours mean to me. It is time for me to do something that really interests me and have some time of my own. The spinning of the wheel and molding of the clay with gentle music in the background relaxes me and helps me de-stress and focus. I have found that I am happier and have more patience with the kids, and love looking forward to it every week!

I'm not sure what I'll do when the class is over. Perhaps another one or maybe some art classes. Maybe I'll just spend some time reading at a cafe or volunteering somewhere. I've also always wanted to go back to school and get my Masters in Education or English. I don't really think it matters what I do, as long as I have the time. I feel like I am slowly starting to come back to myself in a role as wife, mother, friend, and just plain Laura. 

What my pottery class is like

Just kidding!

It started out like this

This is my first bowl

It is getting better every week! This is a plate I made two weeks ago

That's Important to Me

I've always been a rebel at heart, a person who likes to go against "the man" and do things my own way. I've always held my convictions very strongly to my chest and have no problem sharing them. However, I've noticed in the last couple of years I've gotten pretty mellow in terms of my mood, feelings, and emotions. I'm more sensitive than I used to be, more accepting than I used to be, and just generally a more relaxed person. It's not like I was trying to be high strung earlier, I'm just not, now. About two years ago I was hanging on to something petty - still angry and hurt about it nearly a year after it happened. I also had a hard time after Amita was born adjusting to motherhood and the move to Michigan and I never really got over that either. I remember thinking to myself, "Am I being the person I want to be?" and "Is this the best you've got to offer the world?" I realized it wasn't, and I didn't like that about myself.

Over time I've been working on being a better person - the person I want and strive to be- and it has made me infinitely happier. I'm not sure if it was quitting my job, becoming a mom, moving away from family, getting older, or a combination of all of those (most likely), but I've come to really enjoy where I am in life. That's not to say that everything is perfect all the time and I don't get stressed out. It's just to say that when I close my eyes at the end of the day, I am happy. Happy in a way wasn't "before". Before what, I'm not sure. I just know that I didn't use to feel like this, and now I do. Since moving I have been really concentrating on things I feel are truly important - things that make me happy and give me peace - and trying to weed the "junk" out of my life. 

Inspired by the song "That's Important to Me" by Joey + Rory (the best singer/songwriter duo in country music, in my humble opinion), I have compiled a list of the things that are important to me, large or small. The things/beliefs/attitudes that make a difference in my life - things that mean something to me. So, without further ado, here are the things have affect me and make me happy, in no particular order.

Family. I love them "with a love that is greater than love", to borrow from Poe. There is nothing more important to me than them. Nothing.

Television - or lack thereof. I gave up TV once Amita was old enough to start paying attention and it has been one of the best things I've ever done. I don't need that crap and neither do the kids. I let them watch a show or two on Netflix every now and again but they don't constantly watch it. I am never up to date with current events but I don't care. Ridhwi and I watch one show a night (usually a series) and that's it. I could do without that too but Ridhwi likes TV so we do it together. If I don't like what he's picked I just read a book. I don't miss it at all.

Yoga. Yoga calms and relaxes me. It makes me more in tune with my body. When I lived in Platte City, MO, and went to class with Jackie, it was like a religious experience for me.

Candles and incense. I like them. This might sound like a small thing, but there are few things greater in life than lighting a cinnamon Yankee Candle, making some hot chocolate, and watching a movie in the fall. It's the little things.

Having good finances. Staying out of debt (the bad kind) and living within our means is very important to Ridhwi and I. We might have to make sacrifices, but we do it.  

Living somewhere I can "breathe". I am not a big city person. I get claustrophobic. Sure, I like visiting our family in New York City but I couldn't live there. I want a place with a bit of land for a garden, where I can sit on a porch and watch the sunset, and watch my kids run in the yard.

Music. I really like 90's Country, 70's rock, Americana, and Bluegrass. My favorite bands are the Avett Brothers and Joey + Rory (they speak to my heart). Again, it's the small things.

Being a mom. It is important to me that I am the best mom I can be. My children deserve no less. It doesn't mean that I am perfect or that I have completely given my life to my kids, it just means that I want them to be happy, healthy, intelligent, and kind people, and I try to make that happen.

Loving my husband. Few things in life are worth the time and investment as a marriage. A healthy, strong marriage is such a beautiful thing and I am so thankful that I get to be a part of one. That doesn't mean that Ridhwi and I don't work at it, we certainly do. Each day we make sure they other person's needs come before our own and we have to make communication a priority, but the rewards that come from that are amazing. I'm so in love with Ridhwi.

Cooking. Not only do I find it relaxing, I enjoy giving my family something that I lovingly made for them.

Books. Nothing is better than getting caught up in a good book.

Believing that you get out of the world what you put in. Being slow to anger, understanding others, forgiving quickly, and loving in abundance, are very important to me. It's not always easy but I do my best and make conscious decisions to change my thoughts/behavior to be a better person. Do I find myself thinking that the girl next to me shouldn't have worn that outfit? Sure, but I keep it to myself. The energy we put out in the world returns to us. Why put unnecessary negative thoughts and feelings in the world? Enough bad energy exists without unnecessarily and consciously adding to it, thank you very much.

Opening the windows in the spring. Ridhwi doesn't understand this one but I'm telling you, the crisp air, the gentle breeze, the sounds of nature, it's something I look forward to every year, allergies be damned.

Spending time with God - in any form. During Ridhwi's residency we have not been able to go to church as much as I would like and strangely enough, my spirituality is at an all time high. I think the more time you spend in prayer (from where ever you might be), the more the Holy Spirit fills you and helps you spread that peace to others. We pray with the kids daily and I do daily meditation before bed.

Doing what you enjoy every day. I really enjoyed teaching but I didn't enjoy dealing with some of the kids and politics in the school. I also really want to spend these years with my kids. I am lucky enough to be able to be a stay-at-home mom and have come to really enjoy it.

Some times it is better to be a nice person than to be "right".  Some people get so caught up in being right that they don't realize they are being offensive and hurting people. I'm not sure why they feel the need to do so, but being a good person is always the road we should choose, even it means accepting that other people are allowed to do things differently from you. Just because you may be "right" or "telling the truth" doesn't mean you're not being an ass.

No longer feeling as though I need to make other people think/feel the same things I feel. You know what? We're all different. It's not my job to worry about the state of your eternal soul or your conscience.  It is more important to be nice and respectful, and do the things that bring everyone peace. You want to commune with aliens on your head in the desert? Go ahead, if it makes you happy. We are all allowed to have different ideas (as long as they don't hurt anyone else). It's what makes us all unique and interesting. Let's just live in peace with each other.

Realizing that I am the only one in charge of my feelings/actions. Am I feeling hurt, stressed, emotional? I can choose to feel differently. My emotions are not out of my control. This has not been an easy realization, but it is true. It is not always easy to do, some times I want nothing more than to flip off a bad driver (and there are plenty in Michigan) or dwell on something that hurt me or makes me angry. But you know what? Those negative emotions and feelings affect me, no one else. I feel much better when I choose to forgive someone and move on, or choose to assume the best of a person (they must be driving their pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver a baby, right?). I don't let people walk on me but I do consciously choose to see the best in the world and dwell on positive things.

I want to be a good person. To enjoy life as best I can while I'm here. To love my family with abandon.  To live in a house that I have made a home and is filled with things I love, to show others how much I love them, and enjoy the simple things life has to offer. These things are the things that are important to me.