It started when I got pregnant. At first, I chalked it up to the fact that it was my first pregnancy and people wanted to help. It got worse as the pregnancy progressed: strangers would ask me personal questions and everyone made sure I knew their opinions on everything baby related. Then, I had Amita and I became intimately familiar with the Mommy Wars.
What are the Mommy Wars? Mommy Wars are the fighting, bickering, judgments, and superior attitudes that moms show other moms, especially in relation to topics about nursing, vaccinations, schooling, sleep habits, and diet. Oh, and just about everything else.
Why do we as mothers feel the need to pick each other apart and put each other down? Do other people really think they are the perfect parent?
We, as parents, all try to do the very best we can. We make decisions for our families based on the needs of the family. So why does everyone feel the need to judge others? Parenting is hard. What we should all do is show support for other parents. For those that choose to bottle feed their babies instead of breastfeed, who cares? The baby has a full belly at night and lots of love - that's what's really important, right? One mom uses the cry it out method to get her child to sleep, so what? How does that affect you and your sense of right and wrong? If it gives that mother peace and makes her life easier, then good for her. We all need a little more peace in our lives and should encourage other mothers to have the same.
I used to be a part of a Facebook group called Mommy Support. This was the least supportive group I have ever been a part of. At first, before I realized the group was extremely unhelpful, I invited all of my friends to be a part of it, a request for which I would like to publicly apologize. I'm guessing all it did was make my friends angry and upset, bring down their self-esteem, or make them think they are the worst parent ever, like it did me. Sorry, really. I have since left the group because I figured I would soon be put on high blood pressure medication if I didn't. I think they should re-name the group Mommy Judgment: How to Judge Other Moms Who Are Different From You. That would be an accurate name.
I, personally, like to operate by what I call the Pioneer Woman Parenting Attitude. This is how it works: if you are wondering about something parenting related, you ask yourself, "is this something a pioneer woman would care about?" Often times, the answer is no, unless it's really important, like "should I feed my child?" In that case, if a pioneer woman would care about it, the answer is "yes!". Let's do another example."Should I use a sleep sack or a blanket?" Would a pioneer woman care about using a sleep sack or a blanket? NO. She would be thankful that her children are warm at night. Would she care about what brand of shoes her child has, or if they are soft soled or hard soled? NO. She would be glad simply to have shoes to put in his/her feet. This is how I wade through was is really important in parenting and what is not. That's not to say that I don't have my own opinions on these things but I don't feel like they are the most important parenting decisions I'll make. What's really important? Raising polite, motivated, decent human beings. Those things matter - not how long a person nurses their child, or how they choose to educate their children, what they feed them, or how they get their kids to go to sleep at night.
The only thing we should ask of other mothers: to be the very best mom they can. Until we find an example the perfect parent and that person writes a parenting manual we can all agree to follow, we should stop judging. Here's an idea: how about instead of chewing out someone we've never met on the internet, we take the additional time and spend it with our families? We should not tell others what to do (unless they are doing something to harm their child). We have no right to judge someone until we've walked in their shoes.
One very good piece of advice my mom gave me when I was pregnant? She told me that no one hugs you like your mom. It doesn't matter if she holds you a different way, or if she puts her right hand over her left of vice versa. The hug feels good simply because your mom is showing you she loves you. We all may do things differently but you know what? We're all similar in that we love our children and want what is best for them.
So let's all be card holding members of the Mommy Club. Let's support, uplift, help, and encourage other moms. We don't have to agree with another mom's decision to see she is trying her best. And you know what? That's okay. It's okay for someone to do something different, it's all a part of this wonderful, amazing, and tremendous gift of parenthood we've been given.
What are the Mommy Wars? Mommy Wars are the fighting, bickering, judgments, and superior attitudes that moms show other moms, especially in relation to topics about nursing, vaccinations, schooling, sleep habits, and diet. Oh, and just about everything else.
Why do we as mothers feel the need to pick each other apart and put each other down? Do other people really think they are the perfect parent?
We, as parents, all try to do the very best we can. We make decisions for our families based on the needs of the family. So why does everyone feel the need to judge others? Parenting is hard. What we should all do is show support for other parents. For those that choose to bottle feed their babies instead of breastfeed, who cares? The baby has a full belly at night and lots of love - that's what's really important, right? One mom uses the cry it out method to get her child to sleep, so what? How does that affect you and your sense of right and wrong? If it gives that mother peace and makes her life easier, then good for her. We all need a little more peace in our lives and should encourage other mothers to have the same.
I used to be a part of a Facebook group called Mommy Support. This was the least supportive group I have ever been a part of. At first, before I realized the group was extremely unhelpful, I invited all of my friends to be a part of it, a request for which I would like to publicly apologize. I'm guessing all it did was make my friends angry and upset, bring down their self-esteem, or make them think they are the worst parent ever, like it did me. Sorry, really. I have since left the group because I figured I would soon be put on high blood pressure medication if I didn't. I think they should re-name the group Mommy Judgment: How to Judge Other Moms Who Are Different From You. That would be an accurate name.
I, personally, like to operate by what I call the Pioneer Woman Parenting Attitude. This is how it works: if you are wondering about something parenting related, you ask yourself, "is this something a pioneer woman would care about?" Often times, the answer is no, unless it's really important, like "should I feed my child?" In that case, if a pioneer woman would care about it, the answer is "yes!". Let's do another example."Should I use a sleep sack or a blanket?" Would a pioneer woman care about using a sleep sack or a blanket? NO. She would be thankful that her children are warm at night. Would she care about what brand of shoes her child has, or if they are soft soled or hard soled? NO. She would be glad simply to have shoes to put in his/her feet. This is how I wade through was is really important in parenting and what is not. That's not to say that I don't have my own opinions on these things but I don't feel like they are the most important parenting decisions I'll make. What's really important? Raising polite, motivated, decent human beings. Those things matter - not how long a person nurses their child, or how they choose to educate their children, what they feed them, or how they get their kids to go to sleep at night.
The only thing we should ask of other mothers: to be the very best mom they can. Until we find an example the perfect parent and that person writes a parenting manual we can all agree to follow, we should stop judging. Here's an idea: how about instead of chewing out someone we've never met on the internet, we take the additional time and spend it with our families? We should not tell others what to do (unless they are doing something to harm their child). We have no right to judge someone until we've walked in their shoes.
One very good piece of advice my mom gave me when I was pregnant? She told me that no one hugs you like your mom. It doesn't matter if she holds you a different way, or if she puts her right hand over her left of vice versa. The hug feels good simply because your mom is showing you she loves you. We all may do things differently but you know what? We're all similar in that we love our children and want what is best for them.
So let's all be card holding members of the Mommy Club. Let's support, uplift, help, and encourage other moms. We don't have to agree with another mom's decision to see she is trying her best. And you know what? That's okay. It's okay for someone to do something different, it's all a part of this wonderful, amazing, and tremendous gift of parenthood we've been given.
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