Our Home - A Crazy Couple of Months

The last 8 weeks  have been both the busiest and most fulfilling weeks Ridhwi and I have ever had. Our house is now a home and while we are loving being homeowners, it hasn't been the easiest process.

We bought the house in early September and were very excited but also a bit overwhelmed. The renovations started with our floors - we detested the flooring on the main level. It was white "hospital" tile with dark grout that never looked clean and a mixture of carpeting that was placed strangely in the living room. The house felt cold and lonely, even in the summer. We decided we could wing doing the flooring but we wanted to get it done right away so our stuff would be out of the way and the girls wouldn't be exposed to a construction zone. At first we tried some contractors but as soon as they found out that Ridhwi was a doctor (which we tried unsuccessfully to hide), they got very expensive and they also couldn't do it on the timeline we were needing. After quite a bit of research we finally found an independent contractor that would gave us a very reasonable price on labor for only himself and we set the date to begin work. However, since we chose to not go with a team, it meant that we had to deal with ordering the flooring, underlayment, glue, etc. and pick it all up in Green Bay ourselves instead of having it taken care of for us. 

The house was unsafe for kids so, for a couple of weeks, we found a school to put them in full time from 8:30 am to 5:30 pm while we worked on the house. After some searching found a Montessori school we loved. The first day we drove an hour from Rapids to Wausau, dropped the kids off (I might have cried a little), and then rented a cargo van and drove an hour and a half to Green Bay to pick up our flooring. While we were driving, we realized it wasn't going to work to live in Rapids and commute to our new house so we made an executive decision and drove our van back to Rapids, shoved our mattress and the kid's mattresses in the van, packed some boxes and clothes, and officially "moved in" to our new home. Those  weeks were crazy because we could barely function in the house yet we were living there with nothing more than a few mattresses on the floor - no oven, no working washing machine, no internet, cable, nothing. We had a lot of microwavable food and picnics in our upstairs bedroom - where the kids mostly stayed when they were home. Over the weekend when they didn't have school I would take them on errands and to the library so Ridhwi and Mark (our contractor) could work on the floors without worrying about the kids.

We did a lot of the demo ourselves since we were on such a short timeline. Our contractor had a few previous commitments he had to take care of (understandably) but he was willing to work with us over the weekends, which we appreciated! The next two weeks were full of painting, doing the floors, and trying to give some sort of steady environment to the kids. I painted the entire main floor while Ridhwi scraped tile and grout, removing carpet, and taking tack strips out of the floor.  I think Ridhwi was glad to go back to the hospital after all the work on the house! After three weeks, the floors were completely finished and we could walk on them. We also had moved in and began to unpack. We had a few mishaps like losing all of the hardware for the cribs (which Ridhwi amazingly and painstakingly figured out how to put together). We got everything unpacked and cleaned the sawdust from the floors, counters, and bookshelves. We had some furniture delivered which, coming from a two bedroom apartment to a house, was very needed.  It's been busy and crazy but we are really happy with how it came together.

We've had to learn about random things too, from how to care for our new floors, how to care for granite countertops, how to properly operate our fireplace, and things about drywall, bathtub jets, electrical wiring, cable, furnaces, refrigerator filters, and various appliances that we never thought we would need to know.

It's been crazy moving twice and having home renovations in just 5 months, but we are happy to be here and are truly starting to feel settled. The kids are really liking the house - they have a big bedroom and plenty of room to run around. At first they wouldn't go to sleep without one of us in the room with them, but now they are back to their old schedule and are enjoying being here. Because we are so busy, we have decided to keep Amita in the Montessori school a few mornings a week, and she is loves it. In fact, I think it's the best thing we've done for her. I am planning on writing another blog post outlining all the reasons we love this school and how it is better than her previous school. Ridhwi and I are still talking about homeschooling versus alternative schooling and are still trying to figure out what we are comfortable with and research all of the options available in Wausau. 

So now I am enjoying being in our new home, watching the snow fall outside, and thanking God for my many blessings: a roof over our heads, a warm home, food on our table, my wonderful husband and children, and this life He's given me. 

Ridhwi spend many quality hours with that drill scraping tile grout off the floor. It was a painstaking and backbreaking process

The room behind the kitchen was turned into a homeschool room and the yellow room on the right is our dining room. Everything had to be scraped.

It really came together! (Yes, I already have up Christmas decorations)

The dining room is my favorite room in the house. It has windows on three sides and even with the snow outside it feels warm and cozy.

Wherein I Realize I Can Do This

Amita has now been in preschool for several months and to this day I still remain undecided how I feel about it. I put her in school in the summer so she was mixed with two year-olds for the first several weeks - until three year-old enrollment went up enough to warrant separating the classes and and moving the three year-olds to their own classroom. At first I was very disheartened because I didn't feel she was learning much - just playing all the time. I stay at home so I really don't feel it is necessary to pay for a daycare (which was essentially what I was doing at that point). However, once she went to the other classroom I started to feel better. She came home with weekly lesson plans and I would get updates from her teacher - a lovely woman with the patience of a Saint - about how she was improving: drinking from a big girl cup, eating her lunch, and, about a week ago, she played with someone in the classroom (a big deal for her)! She also really school and her teacher. 

HOWEVER.

She has been in school for almost three months and has only been able to tell me one new thing she learned (the recognition of a bongo drum). Everything else the kids are doing are things Amita already knows. Also, by the end of the week, Amita is D.O.N.E. with school and life in general. She goes from 8-12:30 on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, so she has to get up earlier than she is used to in order to eat breakfast and get ready. Then, by the time she gets home and calms down enough to sleep she barely gets a nap. I find myself spending all afternoon on Thursday and all day Friday trying to get her back on a schedule. Then, by the time she is a nice and wonderful child again, I have to start all over. I also have to wake Ashima up early to take Amita to school and she can be cranky throughout the day as well. 

My struggle is knowing where to draw the line between learning good social skills and learning academic material? Which is more important? Eventually, if I didn't put her in school, she would have learned these skills anyway, so what is she really gaining by being there?

I knew going into preschool that we were sending her essentially for social skills but I have to admit that I am rather disappointed by the lack of academic learning she has gained. I'm not expecting too much - I am simply expecting her to tell me anything that she doesn't already know. 

One day I was browsing on amazon and happened to see a butterfly kit for sale, where they send you caterpillars and you can follow them through their entire life cycle to chrysalides and finally butterflies. It was only $30.00 and I knew the girls would love it! Once I did that, I started looking at the library website online and came up with a lot of books and movies related to the butterfly life cycle. Then, I searched the internet, and came up with even more ideas! After that, my teacher brain took over and I started thinking up other lessons for different topics, including multi-media, art, nutrition, reading, and science. It was awesome! You can find the unit here. 

For the first time since I started this homeschooling journey I really felt as though I had it under control. I felt as though I could do it, for both kids, and I did! I am immensely proud of myself. Because the kids are still young and Amita is in school, I didn't push anything but rather fit in extra learning when we had the time - at most 20 minutes a day. 

I think for now we are going to have to find a balance between homeschool and preschool. We bought our house and have scheduled our move for the 6th of October and are trying to get some work done on the house before we move. In other words, things are crazy and honestly, it works well for me to have Amita in school so I only have one kid to take on house errands with me. We are doing enough at home that I am happy she will be learning new things academically.  While we are moving in our new home and getting settled I will keep Amita in school but I will most likely begin full-time preschool for 4-K. 

Another new development in my homeschool journey is that I attended a local homeschool moms gathering. It was very, very enlightening and made me feel much more confident about homeschooling to speak with other moms and find out how each person plans their day and what type of homeschooling they do (umbrella schools, online public school, unschooling, unit studies, online curricula, etc.). I have given it a lot of thought and really think they type of homeschooling I feel most comfortable with will include elective classes like art and music at a local school and the core classes like reading, science, and math schooled at home. I need to look more into the state laws regarding this, but, thanks to a great friend (that's you, Linda!) I have found a school that combines all of this with Calvert homeschool education. I finally feel I have found the right mix of home and school activities. I am still speaking with the representative and finding out more information, but so far I am liking what I am finding out.


So, this is where I am. I am barely keeping my head above water regarding the upcoming move, but I am feeling very confident about our schooling options going forward. We are going to leave Amita in school for now but are looking forward to starting a new preschool/K-12 curricula when I feel I am up to starting it - well after we are moved in and I am organized enough to begin.

This year has been a year of changes and everyone in the family is taking time to adjust. Things might be hectic right now, but they are a good kind of hectic. The kids are healthy and happy, my husband and I are in love, and we have a beautiful house we will soon be moving to. It is an exciting time in our lives and I am looking forward to our next (and final) move and being settled in our new home.

Making Stained Glass Butterflies

One of the girls' favorite activities during the butterfly unit was making "stained glass butterflies", so I thought I would share the lesson. It is very easy, and lots of fun! We made them three times because the girls loved them so much. I am pretty sure all the window in the house have at least one butterfly on them. This lesson could also easily be changed to fit any subject - cars, trains, etc.

Supplies: contact paper, tissue paper, scissors, and construction paper. 

Skills: fine motor skills, color recognition, and counting

First we read the book Glasswings, A Butterfly's Story by Eliza Kleven. I rented it from our local library. It is about a glass winged butterfly who gets lost in a big city and helps the other animals to grow a garden. 

Next, I took contact paper and cut it to approximately 12 X12, and then cut the outline of a butterfly out of construction paper to fit inside the frame of the contact paper (which I totally eyeballed), making sure to leave the sticky side up - this is where you will attach the tissue paper. I took a few sheets of whatever tissue paper I had lying around and cut it into small squares. Next, I had the girls put the tissue paper on the sticky side of the contact paper until all the space was filled. We talked about the different colors and counted how many pieces of paper were going on the butterfly and whether our butterflies looked like the butterfly in the story.

Amita was very diligent and tried to keep in within the outline of the butterfly

Ashima, not so much, but that's okay. She loved the process!

Then, I put them up on the window. Voila! When the light shines through, it looks like stained glass! So easy and fun with both kids!

Preschool Butterfly Life Cycle Unit - Includes Reading, Science, Math/Counting, Nutrition, Art, and Mixed Media

Below is a unit I made for teaching the girls about butterflies. I think this may be my key to doing preschool! I started right before the caterpillars came in the mail reading about caterpillar eggs and getting the girls really excited for the arrival of the caterpillars. once they arrived, we followed them through their life cycle and did appropriate activities for each stage, which I have listed below and divided by subject. Because Amita is currently in part time preschool, we did this unit over about 6 weeks - just taking our time and doing something when we got a chance. It turned out to be about 20 minutes a day of time and then we talked about it quite a lot throughout the day. All in all, it was a great success and now I have to decide the next unit I want to teach!

Science:

I bought a butterfly kit on amazon where they mail you baby caterpillars and provide everything you need to witness the entire life cycle of the butterfly. This is the only thing I purchased out of the entire unit.

Reading (all of these books I rented from the library):

Life Cycle:

Eggs, Legs, Wings: A Butterfly Life Cycle (First Graphics: Nature Cycles) by Sharon Knudsen

First The Egg by Laura Vaccaro Seeger 

This book is about all life cycles that start with eggs but it included butterflies so I thought it would still be good.

From Caterpillar to Butterfly

I also rented a book called Butterfly Eggs, a non-fiction book just about eggs, but I can't seem to find a picture.

Caterpillars:

Caterpillars by Marilyn Sinter

Butterfly Eggs

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

Butterflies:

Glasswings by Elisa Kleven

Butterfly by Mark Inkpen

Bird, Butterfly, Eel by James Prosek

Mixed Media:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tvl6wz7e9M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tvl6wz7e9M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFN4cuBiWns&list=PLF2371CE81ACC4017

I also rented these movies from the library:

Sorry it is sideways, I can't get it to rotate. I rented The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Other Stories and The Story of the Butterfly.

Music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBkOOgEFi2s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tvl6wz7e9M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YVqHnw0W-Q

Nutrition:

For a nutrition aspect, I had the kids some of the foods mentioned in the Very Hungry Caterpillar. They LOVED it and still talk about the different kinds of food. Amita's favorite was the pickle and Ashima enjoyed the Salami.

Math/Counting: 

Art:

We made "stained glass" butterflies after reading Glasswings: A Butterfly's Story with contact paper, tissue paper, construction paper, and scissors.

We also made caterpillars out of circles and glued the circles together. With Ashima I worked on identifying colors when we did this. 

This link has a lot of butterfly coloring pages: http://www.coloring.ws/butterfly1.htm

I found this kit at Wal-Mart for $5.00 and we made these one day:

The girls really enjoy seeing them on the fridge every day!

Also:

It's the Small Things: On Having Some Time To Myself

As I've posted previously, one of the hardest things about residency for me was that I was only a mom. From sun up to sundown I was strictly mom and my only job was to take care of the house and care for the kids. If I was lucky, my role could also be modified to include wife for a few hours between when Ridhwi got home and before he went to bed but more often than not that was not the case. 

When we moved to Wisconsin I was adamant that I needed some time to myself - time to explore my own interests and also meet people and develop friendships outside the medical community. Part of this is because I feel like I need it, but part of it is because I want to teach the girls that it is important to have your own hobbies. I want to teach them to have have balance in their life and the best way to teach is through example. 

With Ridhwi's new schedule and changes with the new job, I've been able to get a babysitter a couple times a month while I take a pottery class.  I cannot tell you what these couple of hours mean to me. It is time for me to do something that really interests me and have some time of my own. The spinning of the wheel and molding of the clay with gentle music in the background relaxes me and helps me de-stress and focus. I have found that I am happier and have more patience with the kids, and love looking forward to it every week!

I'm not sure what I'll do when the class is over. Perhaps another one or maybe some art classes. Maybe I'll just spend some time reading at a cafe or volunteering somewhere. I've also always wanted to go back to school and get my Masters in Education or English. I don't really think it matters what I do, as long as I have the time. I feel like I am slowly starting to come back to myself in a role as wife, mother, friend, and just plain Laura. 

What my pottery class is like

Just kidding!

It started out like this

This is my first bowl

It is getting better every week! This is a plate I made two weeks ago

The Disillusionment of Going Back To College

I had an interesting experience a couple of weeks ago when we went to Madison for Ridhwi's work. He (Ridhwi) happened to come back to the hotel early and we decided to go out to dinner. We were celebrating one of our anniversaries (we have several, but that is another blog post) and decided to go some where semi-nice. I say "semi" because we had the kids in tow and you can only go to semi-nice places without people hating you for bringing them. We googled the area and found a Brazilian place that looked good. Our kids are definite meat eaters and we thought with the salad bar options we could find some thing for everyone in the family to be happy. It was a great dinner - minus a plate that fell on the floor and almost broke. Our waitress even helped make some sort of ghetto sippy cups out the the glasses with lids and masking tape she found in a basket (we really appreciated it). 

After we had finished eating we needed to walk off the copious amount of meat we ate and decided to walk around a bit (as you do after going to a Brazilian restaurant). We were happy to see that the downtown area had some neat shops and was pretty active. We imagined ourselves to be explorers (much like Dora) and headed toward the action. We thought it would be fun, new, and exciting. We thought that our kids would be angels with full meat bellies that would walk idly beside us only occasionally pointing out an interesting sight or amusing us with a small anecdote. What really happened is that their full meat bellies turned them into animal-children with no sense of concern for their personal safety. We made it about 12 feet before Ashima laid down in the parking lot and Amita refused to hold hands so we decided that additional safety measures must be taken. 

Now, before I tell you what happened next, I'm going to preface my actions with a justification. Twice Ashima has run away from me and onto a busy road; once I had to run into the road to stop the car that was scarily close to hitting her. After that incident, with tears in my eyes, I decided that I needed to get some sort of restraint for her when she is not in her stroller and we are in a highly trafficked area. She does not listen to directions, does not like to hold hands, and runs with no sense of self-preservation. So, I bought some "bracelets" that attach to both their wrist and my wrist. They are elastic so it's actually pretty good for the kids. They have a sense of freedom but they are not in any danger. I've always thought I would never be the sort of mom that put a leash on her kid but I guess I am. Ashima's safety is just too important to me. There is nothing that changes your mind about safety as your child almost getting hit by a car.

So, back to the story, we were walking and the kids were NOT behaving. I pulled out the leash for Ashima and Amita decided that she wanted one as well. Interestingly enough, Amita really likes her "bracelet". I think it makes her feel a safe connection to me while not holding my hand. All the better to explore with, and Amita loves to explore - just like Dora. ("Come on, Vaminos! Where are we going? To walk around!"). We chose buddies and started walking. The was the first time we were out in public with the leashes er… excuse me… "bracelets". We got a lot of knowing smiles from parents and a few strange and judgmental looks from what I'm assuming were non-parents. More than anything, though, I felt a huge sense of relief that I got to walk without having to constantly keep an eye on whether Ashima was going to run into traffic. It was nice and enjoyable, for a while. 

We eventually wandered onto the University of Wisconsin campus (which is beautiful, by the way). I went to the University of Kansas for two years and Emporia State College for two years (with a semester for studying abroad in England). Ridhwi did his 6 years of medical school at Katsturba Medical College at the Pokhra, Nepal, location. Both of us really enjoyed our college years and happily reminiscing as we were walking, whispering as we needed to for the parts we didn't want the kids to hear. We turned away from the University and found ourselves in a residential neighborhood. This is where I started to feel a bit self-conscious. You see, the evening classes had just gotten out and the sidewalks were full of headphone-wearing college kids hurrying home from class, scantily-clad females heading out for the night, and a pair of computer programers talking about code (we overheard their extremely nerdy conversation and snickered). We were also on the road containing sorority and fraternities for the University and the students were outside in the front yard playing horseshoes, listening to music, and drinking beer. 

It has always been a fervent wish of mine to go back to school and get an advanced degree in either english or education. However, life happens and Ridhwi's job is the one that pays the bills so residency and all that comes with it took precedence - and there is no way I could go with the kids as young as they are. A lot of people successfully do it, but I'm not sure I could. Since it's not necessary for anything at this point, it just hasn't happened. Maybe one day, though. 

The campus life at U of W looked like a lot of fun! I found myself wishing I could join in the game of horseshoes, thinking about whether I could transfer credits to the University, and generally daydreaming about college, when suddenly I felt a pull on my "bracelet" as Ashima wrapped herself around a tree. I was literally yanked out of my reverie to attend to my crying one year-old who desperately wanted to look in the drainage system on the side of the road. So these young college children, unaccustomed to hearing the cries of children, turned off the music and stared at us. It was that exact moment - when I felt the staring eyes of quite a few college students - that I realized I was an interloper and longer belonged in that crowd. I would no longer be able to hang out until 2 in the morning at my neighbor's apartment drinking beer, or smoke hookah and discuss literature (and gossip) with my classmates. I no longer had common interests with these people staring at me(unless they had some strange fascination with potty training and couponing). With this revelation in mind we kept walking around the neighborhood but it was not the same the same as it was before. Instead of imagining the students as my brethren - friends my own age with similar interests, I felt like a walking example for birth control. When we passed egg heads talking about their classes and intellectual pursuits I wanted to tell them that I used to be smart but I'm pretty sure that motherhood makes you lose some of mind (for real, it happens with pregnancy and never returns), and when we passed the students playing games and hanging out in front of their dormitories I wanted to tell them to enjoy drinking while they could because after one glass of wine nowadays all I want to do is go to bed and I still manage to feel hungover the next day. 

As I lay in bed that night (at the very late time of 10:00 pm), my head resting on Ridhwi's chest and the kids asleep in the bed next to us, I reflected upon what it was like going back to the University. While I enjoyed thinking about the good 'ol days and pretending for an extremely short period of time I might still fit in with that crowd, I realized that I wouldn't change what I have for anything. It is still a dream that some day I might go back to college for an advanced degree, but for the time being, I'll enjoy being a mommy and everything that comes with it, "bracelets" and all. 

Unfortunately, I didn't take a picture of the campus (so I had to use this stock one) but the campus was beautiful. We enjoyed walking around, even if we felt awkward part of the time.

100 Happy Days Update

I am about half way through my 100 Happy Days Challenge. So far I've found it to be both supremely annoying and very nice. It can be annoying because I set an alarm on my phone for 6 pm so I remember to get on Instagram to document my moment and inevitably the alarm goes off when I am in the middle of something important - usually making the kids dinner. However, no matter how frustrated I am or what is going on with my day, it is a chance to reflect.  Usually my happy moment it is something very small - seeing a duck in our front yard, enjoying the view out our living room window, or getting ice cream in the summer, but some times it is something large to be thankful for: an impromptu trip to Chicago during our move, the move itself, or our new home. It is nice to have the time to reflect on my day and the little moments within that make life so special. If you want to follow the rest of the challenge, you can follow on Instagram at #lauras100happydays.

Big Changes: What I Learned From a 9 Year-Old

It is an established fact that Amita loves music. In Michigan, Amita took some music classes through Parents as Teachers and she absolutely loved them. She learned a lot and was always asking for more music time. Since then I have done some homeschool music lessons where we listen to music, clap to the beat, learn about rhythm, and dance with ribbons, which she also really enjoys. About a month before the move I happened to see a post about a music school in Stevens Point that was waving the admission fee as a promotion. I contacted them and asked if she was old enough for lessons and they said she was. I thought I was super mom. I had ideas of Amita being accepted to Julliard and listening to her play piano in front of a packed concert hall. I just knew she would love it. A few days before her lesson, I made a big deal about the and put her books in her backpack and talked about what a big girl she was and how much she was going to like her lessons - and she seemed really excited. 

I first sensed trouble when we arrived and she wouldn't even leave the toys in the waiting room to go in the lesson room. By the time I wrangled her into the room, things had gone from bad to worse. The teacher was a thin, wiry man with a soft demeanor and voice named Mr. Aaron. I'm sure he is a good teacher, but I'm not sure he is a good teacher for preschool lessons. Amita would not listen at all and instead ran from one place in the room to the other. She would not look at Mr. Aaron, talk to him, or interact at all. He tried not only playing the piano but singing songs with her and playing with rhythm sticks. By the end of the first lesson she was laying in the corner chewing on her bracelet with her feet in the air not listening to Mr. Aaron or me. It was a huge disaster of epic proportions. The most we could get her to do was push a key on the piano. Since I was so consumed with Amita, Ashima was more or less on her own and took the opportunity to run around like a little heathen and causing general havoc which did not help the situation. I was so disheartened. I was not expecting her to become Mozart overnight (okay, maybe I was), but I truly thought it would be something she would at least enjoy. I breathed a sigh of relief when Mr. Aaron quietly suggested we were at a good stopping point (umm… yeah, I'm pretty sure we are, Mr. Aaron) and got the kids out of there pronto. On the way home I tried to be positive and not fume, but I was upset with Amita for not listening. I wouldn't have cared if she didn't like the piano or the lessons, but she didn't even listen. Ridhwi had the next week off and I took him to the lessons. I kept Ashima outside in the waiting room and had him go in with Amita so he could assess the situation. He said the same thing I did - that Amita had no idea how to sit still and learn something new and either didn't know how to follow directions or didn't care to (my opinion is the latter- she'll do anything when there are M&Ms involved). I have no idea how to teach something like this and I am feeling sort of lost. I'm a secondary teacher, not elementary.  She did fine when I did preschool with her in Michigan, but I always tried to do things she was interested in. The conundrum we face is that Amita needs to have the discipline to learn things even if she doesn't like them. We were not talking specifically about piano - but what if she doesn't like reading or science? What then? I'm am not saying by any sense of the word that Amita needs to be able to sit for hours on end studying books. However, at her age, she should be able to sit or stand still for a few minutes at a time and follow directions or at the very least converse with someone other than Mommy and Daddy. Again, I wasn't upset that she didn't like the piano, I'm upset that she completely ignored Mr. Aaron. I also think that as well meaning as Mr. Aaron was, Amita could use a younger piano teacher or a Grandma who talks on her level and draws her in to the lesson a bit more. Mr. Aaron had great methods but a little bit more enthusiasm on his part might have helped Amita some. 


We have also noticed some behavior changes from Amita since the move. She has become defiant, has stopped listening and following directions, has been saying mean things. None of this behavior she exhibited in Michigan, so I can only assume that it is linked to the move. She has started holding grudges and saying, "No love Daddy, love Mommy", or "No love Momma love Grandma" or my personal favorite a few days ago, "No love Momma love Alli (the dog)." While I think to some extent this is normal because she feels unsettled, I don't like the behavior and nothing I am doing is making her stop. I also think that some of it is normal for a three year-old. However, when paired with the lack of following directions (unless I threaten, cajole, or bribe), and lack of listening (most of the time), I am at a loss as to what to do. She doesn't exhibit this behavior all the time and it seems to be getting a bit better, I truly don't know what to do other than repetitively putting her in time-out and taking away toys. I have tried positive reinforcement but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference either way at this point.  At first we just put up with it thinking it would  go away but it's not changing.  I know that her whole world and sense of order was changed by the move but it does not excuse this behavior and I don't want her to learn that it is okay. I've also gotten out my  Love and Logic book and tried to look for some answers, but it wasn't much help. 


I also noticed something when my 9 year-old niece Elizabeth came to visit for a few days - Amita would do what Elizabeth did and thought it was really cool. I am not sure if she did it because Elizabeth is older or if she was another girl or what, but she would do anything Elizabeth asked her. It was kind of frustrating to some extent but enlightening in other ways. Why would she not listen when I told her to get in the car but she would listen to Elizabeth? I also noticed that she did not communicate well with Elizabeth. It is not that she didn't know the words, it was that she wasn't using them, or was making unusual requests that made Elizabeth unhappy/embarrassed - like kissing her an unusually high amount and trying to look at her "big girl undies". While these things are normal in our household (we talk a lot about undies and we also give kisses to each other), it was obvious that Amita didn't know or chose not to follow the rules I've tried to teach her for when we are outside the house or for people that are not Mommy, Daddy, or Ashima. She also did not know how to play with Elizabeth in a normal way or to carry on any type of real conversation - even though she knew the words and knew what Elizabeth was saying. 



It is because of these lessons that we have decided to put Amita in a Catholic preschool a couple of days a week for a few hours each morning. Not for the learning aspect (although that is nice too), but specifically the social aspect. She needs to learn to follow directions and not expect anything in return. She needs to learn how to act in social settings, and she needs to learn what is appropriate and what is not. These are not things I can teach her at home without another group of kids. I've looked into the CoOps in the area, but most of them are for older kids - not preschool. It is my hope that this will help Amita and cause a detente of sorts between her and myself. We are planning on moving into our new home in October so this is a temporary solution to Amita's social problems and we are hoping that by the time we move I can continue her homeschooling in a manner that works better for both of us. When we toured the school, we discussed where Amita was academically and found out that she is already at the 4K level so I am assuming that she will not learn too much in terms of new material. However, I think that socially it will be invaluable, but difficult. 


In some ways I sort of feel that I will be throwing Amita to the wolves to teach her these social lessons. Several times in Amita's life the word Aspergers has been thrown around - including by her pediatricians. Whether she has it or not the fact remains that she is definitely a special kid with sensitive needs. If it were Ashima, I would have absolutely no worries about putting her in a highly social situation - but I also feel that in some ways Ashima has more social skills than Amita at this point. Amita is much more sensitive than her sister and tends to get overwhelmed and turns mean when she feels uncomfortable. I do not feel that this is a problem with homeschooling or lack of socialization on my part, rather I feel it is a personality trait with Amita and that she could benefit from some interaction for a few months. I am going to talk with the teacher before we go in but I am feeling unsettled about how she will react but understand how important and needed it is. At this point I am feeling like I don't have many more options. I need her to be around children her age and until she is older homeschool CoOps are not an option, at least not in the way Amita needs them. I am not intending for this to be permanent or for it to be her primary source of education. It is my intention that this will help her with her social skills. 

It has always been my idea that homeschooling would be in part a collaboration with public/private schools so the girls could have a chance to explore the arts with other kids and have social interaction - while having the bulk of their core academic work load be at home (you can see these posts here and here). It is my hope that this solution will help Amita with some social aspects of her learning that will also help her learn better at home. After all - the whole purpose of this journey is to give the girls the best education possible, even if that means that some of it will be out of my hands. 

Eye Infections, Visitors, and a New Dog - A Busy Month

Wow. The last few weeks have absolutely flown by in a series of events that have taken our complete time and energy. Next week will be no different, so for this moment (today and tomorrow), I'm going to enjoy a bit with the kids and try to have some time to relax and let them rest a bit. 

One of the reasons Ridhwi decided to go into hospital medicine (besides the fact that he loves it) instead of doing a fellowship/subspecialty is because he was tired of sacrificing family time. His schedule is now that he has one week "on" and one week off. That means from Tuesday to Tuesday he works from 7am-7pm (but usually 8-9) and then have one week completely off from work. We really like the schedule because of the amount of family time we now have. It also gives him a lot of flexibility in terms of extra activities and work - extra shifts on days of his choosing, locums at other hospitals, or working as a faculty teaching medical students. It also means that on his weeks off we are very busy trying to get everything we can fit into the week, like doctors appointments, errands for him, things that require him to be present (setting up bank stuff and house buying) etc. While it can be hard during the "on" week - it is certainly no harder than residency and the best part is that there is an end in sight. 

So far we haven't had an "off" week that was normal or relaxing. The day after Ridhwi's first week of work, Ashima woke up in the morning with a swollen eye. It looked like either a bug had bitten her or maybe she had hit it on her crib. I woke Ridhwi up and we tried to decide what to do. We couldn't decide if it was something that needed to be looked at or something that would go away on its own. We also had another problem - we had enrolled with our insurance company but had not received cards and we were not even sure the paperwork had gone through so we had no idea what to submit if we were to go to the doctor. We waited an hour and saw that her eye was getting worse and decided to take her in. Ridhwi then spent the rest of morning and part of the afternoon on the phone with the hospital HR rep (a VERY nice man) who helped up figure out our insurance as best we could and Ridhwi spoke with an opthamologist who also recommended bringing her in. During this time I put the kids down for a nap. When Ashima woke up, we were shocked. Her eye was huge and swollen. She could not see out of it at all - it had completely closed. Alarmed, we called the doctor and changed her appointment time and got her in right away. After a very sad baby had to get her eye poked and dilated, it was decided that she had preseptal cellulitis - an infection in her eye that was in danger of becoming septic. Ridhwi had been exactly right in his diagnosis after she woke up and I am so thankful he pushed to go to the doctor as much as he did. It was explained that in adults, preseptal cellulitis follows a clear path of infection, first the eye lid, then the duct, then the eye, then the brain (or something like that, forgive me, I'm not the doctor). However, in children, it is much more dangerous because the infection can spread in an unpredictable pattern. In other words, the infection could go straight to her brain. The opthamologist said we had two options - we could hospitalize her to get her antibiotics through an IV or try taking her home and giving antibiotics at home and see if it helps and if it doesn't - straight to the hospital. After some discussion, we decided to take her home. We were worried about the trauma of getting an IV in her - she would most likely have to be sedated because she would never keep an IV in. That comes with it's own risks and besides - Ridhwi is a doctor and we live a block from the hospital. By the time we left the doctor's office we were getting worried and wondering if we made the right decision. Then began a huge fight with the pharmacy because of our insurance problems. Ultimately, after an hour of waiting and many tense words between Ridhwi and the pharmacist we paid $450.00 in cash for the medicine so we could give it immediately and would worry about the insurance reimbursement at a later point. We got Ashima home and (literally) shoved the medicine down her throat and put her to bed. We set our alarms for every hour throughout the night and checked on her. The next morning it was not better. We went to the doctor again and he said that since it had not been a full 24 hours yet we again faced the decision of whether to hospitalize her. She was  not yet showing signs of the infection becoming septic so we decided to keep her until the afternoon and if by the evening her eye was not better - a full 24 hours after giving the medicine - we were going to the hospital. Fortunately, after Ashima woke up from her nap, we could see an improvement. We were SO relieved! The next couple of days were full of making sure she rested, ate, and dealing with the side effects from the medicine: lack of appetite, upset tummy, diarrhea, sun sensitivity, and a rash on her face, and trying to be reimbursed for her medicine (which, thanks to the horrible pharmacy, we still ended up having to pay quite a bit for out of pocket) that the days just flew by. We were relieved that her infection did not become more serious and happy and thankful to a healthy baby.

That Sunday, I got a text from my older brother asking if we wanted to have our 9 year-old niece, Elizabeth come and visit for a few days. I was super excited. When we lived in Kansas and Missiouri, we used to see my brother's kids once a week or so. We miss them terribly (and my other twin nephews that live in New York) and hate living so far away. I was very happy to spend some quality time with Elizabeth. We drove several hours to Sheboygan, WI to pick her up. Since moving to the state, I haven't had much of a chance to see it and let me tell you, I had no idea how beautiful Wisconsin is. Aside from one episode of vomiting from Ashima (who was still on antibiotics and feeling nauseous), it was a very enjoyable ride. Elizabeth spent the next few days with us and I intend to write a much more detailed blog post about the visit because I learned quite a bit in that time. I learned about my niece, who, I realized, I didn't really know anymore. I learned about Amita and how she acts with other people around, and I learned what it might be like when the kids are older. During that time we explored some parks, visited a cheese factory, talked a lot about Harry Potter, watched movies, painted some pottery, and had fun. At the end of the trip we drove to MN to meet my mom who was going to take Elizabeth home. We played in the pool, had some family time, and had a lot of fun. I was very lucky to have a beautiful ride home with some sleepy girls. It was enjoyable. 

While Elizabeth was visiting, we heard word about a dog in Kentucky who was needing a good home through a rescue organization called Pawsibilities Unleashed. Alli was a rescue who had been trained as a service dog to help those with PTSD. However, she was nearing 1.5 and had not been adopted so they opened the adoption to any loving family who would have her. We lost our beloved Maxwell several months earlier at the age of 17 and were looking for that hole to be replaced. While we realize that another dog won't completely fill Maxwell's shoes (paws), we were looking to have a family friendly dog who we could love and give affection to and who would be good with the kids. We were confident that Alli fit the bill. We decided to pick her up the following week. So, last week, we packed up the kids and set off on a 9.5 hour drive to get our next baby - Alli. The second we met her we fell in love. She is so sweet and nice yet playful and energetic. She is still very "puppyish" but follows commands and is great with the kids. After a 14 hour drive back - thanks to an accident on the highway, we finally got her home. She has been a great dog and we are really enjoying the dynamic she brings to our family. We are very saddened by some obvious signs of abuse to her neck and belly and we are committed to giving her a cushy life and lots of treats - and she is committed to giving us lots of love and licks in return. It's a pretty good relationship. 

That leads us to today. We start another "on" week. Next week on our "off" week we are going to Madison for three days for Ridhwi to complete some work so that week will be very busy as well. 

The last several weeks have been crazy, to say the least. I am looking forward to things settling down in the near future (hopefully) and to get in some sort of schedule. We are trying to decide what to do with the kids - whether Amita is needing some sort of formal "schooling" at this point and what that would look like. She also also considering the fact that we are closing on our house in September and moving again in October. There are many changes for us as a family this year - and many of them have been a bit unexpected. While they are mostly good changes, they are also calling for us to change our ideas of what we want and need for our family. I plan to write a few more blog posts this week about some of the more detailed changes (specifically about Amita), and outline some of the educational choices we are making for her. However, each day I am thankful to have happy healthy kids and a new loyal dog by my side. We are excited about the future and trying to find our own slice of peace within this crazy world!

How I've felt the last couple of weeks

Here We Are: Thoughts on "Arrival", House Buying, and Schooling

I sit here typing in the kitchen of our "hospital house". After several weeks of traveling, unpacking, and getting settled, we are starting to get into a new routine. Ridhwi started work this morning and while I enjoyed the family time we had together, I was ready for things to return to normal, as was Ridhwi. 

The last couple of weeks have been great. When we lived in Michigan, I felt as though we were living from one day to the next, sometimes one hour to the next with the thought that "it will get better". These last few weeks I feel I've been experiencing the "better". 

We chose Wisconsin because of the people. We interviewed in 6 states and 10 hospitals over the course of six months. Originally we wanted to go somewhere in the south - somewhere warm. When we came to Wisconsin, however, it felt like coming home - like we had been friends with the people here forever and it was the place we wanted to live and raise our family. We have since found out the made the right decision and have experienced  numerous acts of everyday kindness: friends and neighbors stopping by to see how we are settling and welcoming us to the area, the post office going out of their way to find my phone number and calling me when I left my iPad there, texts from the very nice couple from the moving company about community events, directions to kid friendly parks and pools, etc., and invites to dinner from new friends. We truly feel welcomed into the fold of this town. 

Our "Hospital House". It is a house owned by the hospital provided to us until we are settled. 

The girls LOVE having a back yard!

Another big change in our life is that we put an offer on a home and it was accepted! We had the inspection over the weekend and it went well. We are not planning on closing until mid-September because we don't want to move again right away but we are really excited. Our new home will be 40 minutes away from the Hospital where Ridhwi will work.  The drive might be difficult for Ridhwi in winter but we both feel the house more than makes up for it - after a few updates (tile in the entry, paint, and some furniture purchases) it will be our dream home. I will post more pictures once we close on it and it is officially ours. 

The kids loved it. Amita kept asking to go back to the "other new house".

I am feeling "settled" for the first time in our marriage.  I've enrolled Amita in piano lessons and plan to enroll in a gymnastics class in the fall. Ashima loves the extra room in the house to run and play and is in high spirits. I'm happy to have room with the kiddos and room for all of our stuff. The two bedroom apartment got REALLY small at the end. One of the things I love most is that we have a back yard and garage area and the kids love to run and play. We also bought a kiddie pool which has been used almost every day.

Since our offer was accepted on the house, I have been giving schooling a lot of thought and trying to honestly evaluate myself in the role of homeschooler. When I did all of my research into schools in the area, I did not include the area to which we will be moving. During the time when we interviewed, it was part of my itinerary to visit the schools (I requested to do so) while Ridhwi was interviewing at the hospital so I felt like I have a good grasp of what the schools in the area are when I decided to homeschool. I did not think they were awful, but I didn't think that a curriculum where children only get one hour of science, recess, art, and social studies a week is ideal. I do not want my children to be able to only take math and english tests, I want them to be able to be free thinkers - and the arts and sciences are necessary for that. To be completely honest and fair to my kids I feel that I need to look into the private and possibly the public school that is close to our new home(I've always thought I wouldn't send them to public school but I've heard positive things from many people in this area). We still have several months on our one year trial and I am planning on trying new things to see if it will help with homeschooling. I'm going to try a new reading curriculum for Amita and I have also emailed a few members of the University of Wisconsin at Stevens Point School of Education faculty to see if they could recommend a student in the program who could come for a few hours a couple of times a week to help with homeschooling. This might make things more manageable. One of my biggest struggles is feeling like I have individual time with each kid. Ashima is now ready for some instruction, and Amita is beginning reading readiness and when I try to sit down with one kid the other one whines and wants to join in. The problem is that I can't seem to get anything done when I have both of them, and I have no way to separate them either. I am hoping that trying new curricula and possibly having a little help, as well as looking at the schools in the area where our new home will be will help to give me a more clear path forward. I have been reminded quite often why I chose secondary education instead of early childhood and elementary.

There have been a lot of changes in our lives the last couple of weeks. As a good friend recently said, "The Mukerjis don't do regular moves". It seems to be true. When we do things, we do them in a major way. I think I need to do more research into the new area we will be living in before I come to any firm conclusions about schooling and take each day at a time. The kids are still young and I have time. Until such time, I'll enjoy my babies and take each day as it comes, doing what I can.