Eye Infections, Visitors, and a New Dog - A Busy Month

Wow. The last few weeks have absolutely flown by in a series of events that have taken our complete time and energy. Next week will be no different, so for this moment (today and tomorrow), I'm going to enjoy a bit with the kids and try to have some time to relax and let them rest a bit. 

One of the reasons Ridhwi decided to go into hospital medicine (besides the fact that he loves it) instead of doing a fellowship/subspecialty is because he was tired of sacrificing family time. His schedule is now that he has one week "on" and one week off. That means from Tuesday to Tuesday he works from 7am-7pm (but usually 8-9) and then have one week completely off from work. We really like the schedule because of the amount of family time we now have. It also gives him a lot of flexibility in terms of extra activities and work - extra shifts on days of his choosing, locums at other hospitals, or working as a faculty teaching medical students. It also means that on his weeks off we are very busy trying to get everything we can fit into the week, like doctors appointments, errands for him, things that require him to be present (setting up bank stuff and house buying) etc. While it can be hard during the "on" week - it is certainly no harder than residency and the best part is that there is an end in sight. 

So far we haven't had an "off" week that was normal or relaxing. The day after Ridhwi's first week of work, Ashima woke up in the morning with a swollen eye. It looked like either a bug had bitten her or maybe she had hit it on her crib. I woke Ridhwi up and we tried to decide what to do. We couldn't decide if it was something that needed to be looked at or something that would go away on its own. We also had another problem - we had enrolled with our insurance company but had not received cards and we were not even sure the paperwork had gone through so we had no idea what to submit if we were to go to the doctor. We waited an hour and saw that her eye was getting worse and decided to take her in. Ridhwi then spent the rest of morning and part of the afternoon on the phone with the hospital HR rep (a VERY nice man) who helped up figure out our insurance as best we could and Ridhwi spoke with an opthamologist who also recommended bringing her in. During this time I put the kids down for a nap. When Ashima woke up, we were shocked. Her eye was huge and swollen. She could not see out of it at all - it had completely closed. Alarmed, we called the doctor and changed her appointment time and got her in right away. After a very sad baby had to get her eye poked and dilated, it was decided that she had preseptal cellulitis - an infection in her eye that was in danger of becoming septic. Ridhwi had been exactly right in his diagnosis after she woke up and I am so thankful he pushed to go to the doctor as much as he did. It was explained that in adults, preseptal cellulitis follows a clear path of infection, first the eye lid, then the duct, then the eye, then the brain (or something like that, forgive me, I'm not the doctor). However, in children, it is much more dangerous because the infection can spread in an unpredictable pattern. In other words, the infection could go straight to her brain. The opthamologist said we had two options - we could hospitalize her to get her antibiotics through an IV or try taking her home and giving antibiotics at home and see if it helps and if it doesn't - straight to the hospital. After some discussion, we decided to take her home. We were worried about the trauma of getting an IV in her - she would most likely have to be sedated because she would never keep an IV in. That comes with it's own risks and besides - Ridhwi is a doctor and we live a block from the hospital. By the time we left the doctor's office we were getting worried and wondering if we made the right decision. Then began a huge fight with the pharmacy because of our insurance problems. Ultimately, after an hour of waiting and many tense words between Ridhwi and the pharmacist we paid $450.00 in cash for the medicine so we could give it immediately and would worry about the insurance reimbursement at a later point. We got Ashima home and (literally) shoved the medicine down her throat and put her to bed. We set our alarms for every hour throughout the night and checked on her. The next morning it was not better. We went to the doctor again and he said that since it had not been a full 24 hours yet we again faced the decision of whether to hospitalize her. She was  not yet showing signs of the infection becoming septic so we decided to keep her until the afternoon and if by the evening her eye was not better - a full 24 hours after giving the medicine - we were going to the hospital. Fortunately, after Ashima woke up from her nap, we could see an improvement. We were SO relieved! The next couple of days were full of making sure she rested, ate, and dealing with the side effects from the medicine: lack of appetite, upset tummy, diarrhea, sun sensitivity, and a rash on her face, and trying to be reimbursed for her medicine (which, thanks to the horrible pharmacy, we still ended up having to pay quite a bit for out of pocket) that the days just flew by. We were relieved that her infection did not become more serious and happy and thankful to a healthy baby.

That Sunday, I got a text from my older brother asking if we wanted to have our 9 year-old niece, Elizabeth come and visit for a few days. I was super excited. When we lived in Kansas and Missiouri, we used to see my brother's kids once a week or so. We miss them terribly (and my other twin nephews that live in New York) and hate living so far away. I was very happy to spend some quality time with Elizabeth. We drove several hours to Sheboygan, WI to pick her up. Since moving to the state, I haven't had much of a chance to see it and let me tell you, I had no idea how beautiful Wisconsin is. Aside from one episode of vomiting from Ashima (who was still on antibiotics and feeling nauseous), it was a very enjoyable ride. Elizabeth spent the next few days with us and I intend to write a much more detailed blog post about the visit because I learned quite a bit in that time. I learned about my niece, who, I realized, I didn't really know anymore. I learned about Amita and how she acts with other people around, and I learned what it might be like when the kids are older. During that time we explored some parks, visited a cheese factory, talked a lot about Harry Potter, watched movies, painted some pottery, and had fun. At the end of the trip we drove to MN to meet my mom who was going to take Elizabeth home. We played in the pool, had some family time, and had a lot of fun. I was very lucky to have a beautiful ride home with some sleepy girls. It was enjoyable. 

While Elizabeth was visiting, we heard word about a dog in Kentucky who was needing a good home through a rescue organization called Pawsibilities Unleashed. Alli was a rescue who had been trained as a service dog to help those with PTSD. However, she was nearing 1.5 and had not been adopted so they opened the adoption to any loving family who would have her. We lost our beloved Maxwell several months earlier at the age of 17 and were looking for that hole to be replaced. While we realize that another dog won't completely fill Maxwell's shoes (paws), we were looking to have a family friendly dog who we could love and give affection to and who would be good with the kids. We were confident that Alli fit the bill. We decided to pick her up the following week. So, last week, we packed up the kids and set off on a 9.5 hour drive to get our next baby - Alli. The second we met her we fell in love. She is so sweet and nice yet playful and energetic. She is still very "puppyish" but follows commands and is great with the kids. After a 14 hour drive back - thanks to an accident on the highway, we finally got her home. She has been a great dog and we are really enjoying the dynamic she brings to our family. We are very saddened by some obvious signs of abuse to her neck and belly and we are committed to giving her a cushy life and lots of treats - and she is committed to giving us lots of love and licks in return. It's a pretty good relationship. 

That leads us to today. We start another "on" week. Next week on our "off" week we are going to Madison for three days for Ridhwi to complete some work so that week will be very busy as well. 

The last several weeks have been crazy, to say the least. I am looking forward to things settling down in the near future (hopefully) and to get in some sort of schedule. We are trying to decide what to do with the kids - whether Amita is needing some sort of formal "schooling" at this point and what that would look like. She also also considering the fact that we are closing on our house in September and moving again in October. There are many changes for us as a family this year - and many of them have been a bit unexpected. While they are mostly good changes, they are also calling for us to change our ideas of what we want and need for our family. I plan to write a few more blog posts this week about some of the more detailed changes (specifically about Amita), and outline some of the educational choices we are making for her. However, each day I am thankful to have happy healthy kids and a new loyal dog by my side. We are excited about the future and trying to find our own slice of peace within this crazy world!

How I've felt the last couple of weeks

Here We Are: Thoughts on "Arrival", House Buying, and Schooling

I sit here typing in the kitchen of our "hospital house". After several weeks of traveling, unpacking, and getting settled, we are starting to get into a new routine. Ridhwi started work this morning and while I enjoyed the family time we had together, I was ready for things to return to normal, as was Ridhwi. 

The last couple of weeks have been great. When we lived in Michigan, I felt as though we were living from one day to the next, sometimes one hour to the next with the thought that "it will get better". These last few weeks I feel I've been experiencing the "better". 

We chose Wisconsin because of the people. We interviewed in 6 states and 10 hospitals over the course of six months. Originally we wanted to go somewhere in the south - somewhere warm. When we came to Wisconsin, however, it felt like coming home - like we had been friends with the people here forever and it was the place we wanted to live and raise our family. We have since found out the made the right decision and have experienced  numerous acts of everyday kindness: friends and neighbors stopping by to see how we are settling and welcoming us to the area, the post office going out of their way to find my phone number and calling me when I left my iPad there, texts from the very nice couple from the moving company about community events, directions to kid friendly parks and pools, etc., and invites to dinner from new friends. We truly feel welcomed into the fold of this town. 

Our "Hospital House". It is a house owned by the hospital provided to us until we are settled. 

The girls LOVE having a back yard!

Another big change in our life is that we put an offer on a home and it was accepted! We had the inspection over the weekend and it went well. We are not planning on closing until mid-September because we don't want to move again right away but we are really excited. Our new home will be 40 minutes away from the Hospital where Ridhwi will work.  The drive might be difficult for Ridhwi in winter but we both feel the house more than makes up for it - after a few updates (tile in the entry, paint, and some furniture purchases) it will be our dream home. I will post more pictures once we close on it and it is officially ours. 

The kids loved it. Amita kept asking to go back to the "other new house".

I am feeling "settled" for the first time in our marriage.  I've enrolled Amita in piano lessons and plan to enroll in a gymnastics class in the fall. Ashima loves the extra room in the house to run and play and is in high spirits. I'm happy to have room with the kiddos and room for all of our stuff. The two bedroom apartment got REALLY small at the end. One of the things I love most is that we have a back yard and garage area and the kids love to run and play. We also bought a kiddie pool which has been used almost every day.

Since our offer was accepted on the house, I have been giving schooling a lot of thought and trying to honestly evaluate myself in the role of homeschooler. When I did all of my research into schools in the area, I did not include the area to which we will be moving. During the time when we interviewed, it was part of my itinerary to visit the schools (I requested to do so) while Ridhwi was interviewing at the hospital so I felt like I have a good grasp of what the schools in the area are when I decided to homeschool. I did not think they were awful, but I didn't think that a curriculum where children only get one hour of science, recess, art, and social studies a week is ideal. I do not want my children to be able to only take math and english tests, I want them to be able to be free thinkers - and the arts and sciences are necessary for that. To be completely honest and fair to my kids I feel that I need to look into the private and possibly the public school that is close to our new home(I've always thought I wouldn't send them to public school but I've heard positive things from many people in this area). We still have several months on our one year trial and I am planning on trying new things to see if it will help with homeschooling. I'm going to try a new reading curriculum for Amita and I have also emailed a few members of the University of Wisconsin at Stevens Point School of Education faculty to see if they could recommend a student in the program who could come for a few hours a couple of times a week to help with homeschooling. This might make things more manageable. One of my biggest struggles is feeling like I have individual time with each kid. Ashima is now ready for some instruction, and Amita is beginning reading readiness and when I try to sit down with one kid the other one whines and wants to join in. The problem is that I can't seem to get anything done when I have both of them, and I have no way to separate them either. I am hoping that trying new curricula and possibly having a little help, as well as looking at the schools in the area where our new home will be will help to give me a more clear path forward. I have been reminded quite often why I chose secondary education instead of early childhood and elementary.

There have been a lot of changes in our lives the last couple of weeks. As a good friend recently said, "The Mukerjis don't do regular moves". It seems to be true. When we do things, we do them in a major way. I think I need to do more research into the new area we will be living in before I come to any firm conclusions about schooling and take each day at a time. The kids are still young and I have time. Until such time, I'll enjoy my babies and take each day as it comes, doing what I can.

100 Happy Days

The other day I was having dinner with a very good friend (that's you, Andrea!) and she was telling me about about a challenge called 100 Happy Days. For this challenge you simply take a picture every day of something that made you happy and post it it or email it to the 100 Happy Days Foundation. On average, the site says, 71% of people say they are too busy to be able to do this and do not complete the challenge. The site also goes on to say that on average people have felt happier, more satisfied, and more optimistic in their lives when they take 2-3 minutes to think about being happy and complete the challenge.

I think this is a great idea! The one thing I was worried about was publicity - I did not want everyone to be able to see if I didn't want nor did I want to fill up my Facebook feed every day. What I like about this site is that is can be 100% publicity free if you want, they offer to have you send in pictures through private email, many social networks, or Facebook. I might want to share a few pictures on Facebook but I don't have to -it's just for me. I'm going to submit mine via Instagram because I think it will be easiest since I'll most likely be taking them on my phone. I'll also hashtag, which will be the first time for that.

I'm starting today. You can follow me on Instagram if you like or I'll also make a collage of my daily pictures and post them on here once a week. I look forward to keeping you updated!

Follow me on Instagram (and some times Facebook) at #lauras100happydays.

It's time to be happy!


Also, I probably won't post until next week where I'll be live from Wisconsin! 

Book Review: Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford

I give this book a rating of 7/10. The book is available here. 

I had really good intentions when I rented this book from the library. I thought it would give me all sorts of practical advice about how to  be less connected to technology. What I found, though, is that it is written to persuade the reader to become hands free. I have already decided to do this, and made strides to do so (no TV, no computer in the afternoon, etc.), so much of the book - personal anecdotes and such - were very unnecessary for me since I had already decided and was in agreement, even though they were cute stories. As for the rest of it - having designated "technology time" and reasons why you shouldn't be on your computer all the time, I already do that. I found that the book was trying to persuade me to believe in something I already believe in. It contained no real practical advice except to play with your kids and leave your phone on vibrate. After waiting two months on the library waiting list, I was a little disappointed. However, I do love the message of the book so I'm giving it a higher rating. It did have some lovely messages in neat fonts and I enjoyed reading them. :)

Residency Reflections and Thoughts on the Medical Marriage

Typically, I don't write on my blog about Ridhwi and myself. I don't like to bring a lot of attention to the fact that my husband is a doctor because people automatically assume a lot of things about me, many of which are not true. I could tell you many stories of people who were super nice to me until they found out my husband is a doctor and then turn mega-bitch. I won't do that, however, because that's not what this post is about. These three years have been difficult for us. We moved to Michigan when Amita was two weeks old and hit the floor running with residency and a new baby. I think I can speak for both of us when I say we've both learned a lot about the kind of people we want to be as well what is really important to us. It's been a learning experience for me personally, and I would like to take a minute to share a few of the things I've learned with you throughout these three years of being a resident's wife. They've brought Ridhwi and I much closer as husband and wife and as a family unit. It's not always been easy but we've plowed through the difficult times, laughed through the good times, and somewhere in between managed to raise two great kids.

Here are the 5 most important things I've learned: 

1. Residency affects everyone in the family and extended family. 

It's not just spouses and children that are affected by residency. Most people move away from extended family for the duration, and it can be hard to come home for financial, distance, and scheduling reasons. We were lucky to receive a pre-match but I'm not sure many people realize that residency location is up to a computer matching program. A great deal of it is out of anyone's hands.  On average, we have been able to make it to my parent's home once a year. My husband has not been to his home in India in four years, although he has seen his parents and sister here in the US.  It can also be hard for Ridhwi to communicate with his side of the family so I make sure to text his family and mine with updates and keep my Facebook account updated with pictures for his family in India and mine in Kansas and Missouri. Between the two of us, we make sure that everyone stays updated about our lives and that they don't feel too left out. It can be difficult to keep everyone in the loop, though.
    
2.  Communication is key. 

Marriage takes work, but especially a medical marriage. With late nights, early mornings, crabby kids, newborns hungry in the middle of the night, etc. it can be easy to let your emotions get the best of you. The most important thing? To treat each other with respect at all times. I'll admit that I've been crabby a few times when I have to get up for the seventeenth time with a kid in the night and Ridhwi is nicely sleeping next to me, but he also worked an 18 hour day and then came home and read articles until he fell asleep with an open iPad on his recliner. We both work at our separate duties, just at different times. It's also happened that I've been up more than 24 hours with children so Ridhwi has gotten up with the kids, giving me some rest, or I've stayed up super late to help him with typing a paper (I'm a really fast typer) knowing I'm going to be getting up throughout the night on little sleep. We both give and take in order to help the other person through a difficult day or week. 

For the sake of complete honesty, I'll tell you the times I do get upset with Ridhwi. It is when he tells he will be home at a certain time and he's not. Many times I've waited several hours to hear word of why he's not at home imagining the worst - Ridhwi falling asleep at the wheel after a long shift and getting into a car accident. I don't mind when work goes longer than anticipated, but I do mind thinking that something bad has happened to him. I know it's not always possible for him to text or call right away, especially when someone is coding, but as soon as possible is all I ask. We've since talked through this and Ridhwi has been awesome about letting me know if something comes up. 

3. Holidays are just a day. 

During Ridhwi's first year of residency, he got stuck working EVERY holiday. I'm taking Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Memorial Day, Columbus Day, everything. I am someone who really likes holidays and I really like to plan things so it was really hard for me at first but ended up being a very good lesson. We were still able to celebrate all holidays, just on a different timetable. If there was a parade or community event, I just took the kids by myself if I wanted to go. I felt bad that Ridhwi would miss out but I was happy that I got to experience it with the kids. It's all about perspective. 


4. It is important to invest in friendships.

   When you know that you are not living in your "forever" place, it can be easy to not invest in friendships. After all, you're just there for a little while, right? Why put forth the effort? However, friendships are very important. If it weren't for the connections I've made in Michigan, I'm not sure I would have been able to remain sane. Particularly when I was pregnant, I was thankful to have friends who would offer to watch Amita while I went to the doctor, or knowing I had several friends I could call if I went into labor in the middle of the night really helped my peace of mind (Thank you again Brian, Rachel, and TyAnn!). With the closest family a 13 hour drive, my friends have become like a surrogate family. 

5. It is important to make sure that you both get personal time. 

    This is something that has been difficult for both Ridhwi and I. When Ridhwi has time off, he would like to rest, relax, see a movie, and recharge. There are times when I would like to go to the store by myself, get my hair cut, or even just go to Starbucks and get a coffee in peace. Since free time is so difficult to come by in residency, there can be some friction about who gets to use the free time and who gets to stay at home with the kids. The key is communication. There have been times where we know Ridhwi's schedule is going to be busy and we purposefully schedule free time for both of us on a calendar to ensure we both don't feel overwhelmed. There was one week where Ridhwi said that he wanted to be able to go to the gym at least twice during the week and I wanted two hours to go to the craft store to get a few supplies without kids. It was kind of hard to schedule all of these events during store/gym hours but we were able to do it and we both felt much better for having that time to ourselves. When we move I am looking forward to making friends and possibly even having girls night out or mom's night out. With Ridhwi's new schedule, it will also be easier for him to have his own time. I think it will give both of us a clear head and our quality time much better. It has been hard for me to have a social life here with kids' bedtimes and schedules to keep, so I am very much looking forward to that change.  

I saw an article the other day titled "8 Things Healthy Couples Don't Do". Number two says that people in healthy relationships don't put work before their family. On a Doctor Wives Facebook group that I am a part of, there were a few comments to the effect of, "This doesn't apply to our marriages" and "not when you are married to medicine". I don't think that is a healthy way to look at it. It's not that my husband's job come before his family, it's that my husband's job takes a lot of his time. Sometimes, that includes changing plans or altering things on my part. But, what can I do? When that happens, I face two options: One, hold it against my husband as though it is his fault. After all, he chose this profession, right? Or two, go with the flow and do my best to support the man I love. After all, he didn't write his schedule, right? I also think that this applies to any marriage. There are many professions, not just doctors, which require couples to be separated or have long/strange  working hours. All you can do is support the person you love. It's not always easy and I'm guilty of some major pity parties, but it's for the best.  

I truly think that a successful marriage during training and residency requires both parties to work hard and be understanding. I have to be understanding when I feel like a single parent and he needs to be understanding that some times the apartment and/or kids are a mess. Some days are awesome for our family, some days require work, sacrifice, and understanding from both people. And that is what a marriage is all about: weathering the storms of life together and enjoying the good times in each other's company.  I can tell you one thing: now that Ridhwi's residency is over, all I want to do is yell from the rooftops, "VENI VIDI VICI!". And now, on to the next phase of life, l'chaim!

The Wonderful Gift of the Second Child

I write a lot about Amita on this blog. She's the first child, so I am sort of "figuring things out" with her. She's also the only one old enough to do any sort of schooling, as Ashima is only 20 months right now. However, Ashima is always here adding her little baby opinion on how I run things and what she would like to do. The other night I was giving her a bottle (yes, she still takes a bottle *insert eye roll*) and stroking her little face thinking about how incredible she is. When I was pregnant with her, I often wondered what she would be like. Would she look like Amita? Act like her? I think most the pregnancy didn't seem "real" to me in the way that Amita's did. I obviously knew I was pregnant, gave up caffeine and alcohol, took my prenatals, and pretty much expected another Amita. I thought I knew exactly what to expect. 

Let's not even get into the completely different unmedicated (against my will) labor that was only 5 hours long. We were lucky we even made it to the hospital. The doctor arrived 3 minutes before she came out. When I first got a glimpse of Ashima, I was shocked. I'm not sure what I was expecting and it seems stupid now, but she looked nothing like her sister. She weighed more, she cried differently, she didn't have the abundance of hair that Amita had, she was just different. Her own little person.

During pregnancy, deep in the recesses of my heart, I had silently wondered if I could love Ashima as much as I loved Amita. It might make me a bad mom to say that, but I did. However, I shouldn't have worried. The second she was born, I learned that God does not take away the love you have for one child to make room for another, nor do you love one less. Instead, He makes your heart bigger for your next baby. I love them both an unimaginable about - but in two different ways. It's like the song lyrics to Murder in the City by the Avett Brothers:

"I wonder which brother is better/the one our parents love the most/I sure did get in lots of trouble/they seemed to let the other go. / I wondered what my dad would say/he said, "I love you and I'm proud of you both in so many different ways."

Don't get me wrong, first kids are amazing too. After all, they are the ones who make you a mother. They teach you how to be a parent. All of their firsts are your firsts too and that is an incredible experience. 

However, the second child (insert sigh). They are so similar yet distinctively dissimilar. They are the ones who help perfect your parenting skills or teach you that, in fact, you know nothing. They are just like their sibling, but nothing like their sibling. I still am amazed how how Amita and Ashima are different - yet strangely similar. Ashima has picked up on weird sayings of Amita, copies almost all of her sister's actions, and will often have sympathy tears to offer up when Amita is crying. She is loving and compassionate, strong and cuddly, and a definite leader. Ridhwi and I joke and say that all of the "bad" ideas that the girls come up with are Ashima's idea. She teaches Amita how to misbehave and then Amita tells on her and gets her in trouble. Ashima does not hold grudges, though (like Amita), she still loves her sister and they are good friends just minutes later. Ashima is easy to smile and just as easy to anger, and immensely fun to be around - she's the life of the party.

When I was pregnant, I would pray to God asking for a baby who liked to cuddle and boy did he give it to me! When Ashima was a baby she would only sleep if I was holding her. I don't know how many times the first couple of months when I would prop my arm up on a blanket, lay down, and take a small nap with her because it was the only time I would be able to sleep. Even now, at 20 months, she frequently cries and wants to come and sleep in Ridhwi's and my room in her portable crib. She loves to be held, loved, and cuddled, and I love the opportunity to do it.

One amazing thing about Ashima is that she just learns things. I feel like with Amita, ever since her speech problem, I've been constantly trying to think of things to teach her or she asks me to teach her things things - she gives me a clear path. With Ashima, I'll be reading to her and she will say words or point to things that I had been teaching Amita the day before. She already knows how to count to 10 and say three word sentences! It's truly amazing, especially when I think that Amita wasn't even saying a single word at this age. When I teach Amita, I teach Ashima too. 

I also feel like I've had more of a chance to "enjoy" Ashima. With Amita, at least during her baby phase, I was so worried about doing everything "right" and figuring out the technical details that the first few months passed by incredibly quickly (not only because we moved across the country). But with Ashima, we were settled and I purposefully asked that we don't get too many visitors right away. I already knew how to nurse, change diapers, give a bath, and generally what to expect. I was much more calm and had more time to just enjoy the baby phase. It was hectic with a 15 month-old and a newborn, but God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, and I did. It's neat to watch Ashima go through the same phases Amita went through and see if she acts the same or does something new. 

Perhaps one of the neatest things about having a second child is giving the oldest child automatic playmate and partner in crime. I love that the girls are close (for the most part) and that they play together. They are incredibly close in age and I'm guessing when they are 15 and 16 they will have some similar friends and be able to "hang out" together. I can only imagine when they are 30 and 31 and have families of their own. They will presumably start them around the same time and be able to have someone to support them and someone to lean on. At least, this is my hope. I am so happy to have been able to give them an automatic support system in life.

Having two children is wonderful, and I have found that each one is a gift in their own way. We intend to have one or two more children and I can't wait to see what surprises they have in store. I can't wait to see what their personalities are like and how they act. At the end of the Avett Brothers song I mentioned above, they sing, "Always remember there's nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name." It is such a powerful lyric - and completely true.  A family is one of God's greatest gifts, and I am so thankful to have been blessed with an abundance of love from my mine.

Parking Lot Safety

One of the hardest things about having two kids (at least for me) is dealing with getting them in the car, and then unloaded at our next stop. We live in an apartment complex and I am always worried about them running around when I'm not looking. The same goes for the grocery store which is a VERY busy grocery store with small parking spots and it can be easy to lose them when they run away.

Well, the other day I was surfing the internet, and saw a post on Pintrest that lead me to this link: http://www.parkingpalmagnet.com/Parking-Pal--Only-899_ep_7.html.

Apparently, someone had the good idea to put a magnet with a handprint on in and when you are putting one kid in the car, the other keeps their hand on the magnet. I don't particularly want hand magnets on my car, but I LOVED the concept and ran with it. I always put Ashima in the car first (because she has a harder time following directions) and so Amita has to keep her hand on the circle where the gas tank goes. She doesn't seem to mind and I don't have to worry where she is at all times! It was such a great idea I had to share. 

As My Trial Period Comes to an End...

The time is coming where my three month trial with The Learning Box is up. I have decided not to renew for a while - we are going to be having family up for Ridhwis' graduation in June and then we're moving! I am also a little behind. As motivated as I was with my new organization system (which is working really well), I am still lagging a bit. I think I need to find a better time to do the activities because if I have anything going on during the afternoon homeschooling seems to get pushed back and then doesn't happen. 

I'm thinking I'm going to take the summer "off" and I have a couple of reasons for this. The first is that with homeschooling I'll be able to take lots of random breaks whenever I want. It also lines up with summer and since we'll be moving to WI we need to enjoy the outside and the warm weather when we can! Also, just because I'm choosing to stop using The Learning Box does not mean I can't teach: trips to the zoo and a trip to Niagara Falls are plans for the near future as well as practicing letters and shapes with sidewalk chalk, fine motor skills and speech with blowing bubbles, swimming, bicycle riding, long walks, time at the park, etc. There are TONS of summertime actives which promote learning and I look forward to exploring them. I'll be sure to post the things I feel work well! 

I think that when I go back to The Learning Box in the fall I'll be in a much better place to be successful - I'll have the option of help if I would like it, I'll have MANY more activities (YMCA, summer camp, dance, music lessons, etc.) the girls can be involved in, and I'll have a lot more room since we'll be in a house instead of an apartment. Maybe I can even having a corner/room for homeschooling, the prep time would be SO much easier because I wouldn't have to get it out and organized every time.  

We are coming upon some big changes in our family and our life and I look forward to experiencing all the goodness the next couple of months hold. 

10 Things My Mother Taught Me (When She Didn't Realize It)

For Mother's Day, I decided to write a small piece dedicated to a great woman and one of my best friends: my mom.

Here are some of the greatest lessons I learned from my mom:

1. Always stick up for your kids. My mom was always my biggest advocate, and in many ways she still is. She taught me from a young age what it meant to believe in your children and to wholeheartedly encourage, support, and inspire. 

2. What it means to belong to a community. My mom was always active in different city and church organizations. She helped me understand the importance of belonging to a community and encouraged me to be active in extracurriculars in high school and college. Some of my best memories are because of those activities and I am so thankful I did them. While living in Michigan during Ridhwi's residency, I have not been able to be very active because of Ridhwi's work schedule and having two young kids. It makes me realize how important it is to be a part of a community and how much I miss it now that I'm away. This is one of the things I am looking forward to most when we move to Wisconsin next month- becoming active in the town. 

3. Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself. It doesn't accomplish anything. Sometimes you have to pull up your big girl panties and do something to make your situation better.

4. Sometimes you just need your momma. No matter how old I am, some times I just need a hug from my mom.

5. The importance of helping others. My parents have always helped others and taught me to do so from an early age. Whether it is serving at a food kitchen, adopting children overseas through different organizations, or letting friends crash at our house when they need to, my parents have always been open and loving to those in need. My mom is also one of the most compassionate people I have ever met, bar none. Any time I need her she is ready to listen not with her ears, but with her heart.

6. The beauty of a strong marriage. This is one of the most beautiful things my mother has taught me - something that has greatly enriched my own life. My parents have been happily married for 35 years. They taught me that true love is selfless and kind, and what it means to truly and wholly love your spouse. 

7. The value of hard work. My parents owned a business when I was growing up, and they definitely had to work to make it successful. Long nights, early mornings, and business trips were common. However, no matter how hard my parents worked, they always made family a priority. This lesson also applied to school. I've always had a tough time with math - no matter how hard I tried. I remember once in college I got a C- on a test after weeks of studying. I was really upset and drove home to have dinner with my parents. They asked me a simple question, "did you try your best?" I replied I did and they said, "then that's all we can ask for". I realized at that moment a very important life lesson - that sometimes all you can do is your very best and you should be proud of the work you have done, regardless of a grade. I was a better person for the hard work I had put in and that was what was important. 


8. How to be an adult. By the time I left for college, I could cook, do my own laundry, manage my finances, and generally be independent. I was taught these lessons growing up and I was thankful that when I moved away from home I was emotionally and physically able to take care of myself. I didn't go through an "idiot" phase in life while I learned tough life lessons because I had been taught them at home before I left. 


9. The importance of doing the right thing. My mom has alway taught me to do what is right, even if it is hard. Not only has she shown me through examples in her own life, but also has lovingly guided me through problems in my own, helping to shape me into the person I am today.


10. How to be a mother. Perhaps the greatest lesson my mom has taught me is how to be a mother to my own children. Many times I find myself calling and asking for advice. I value her experience and I am so grateful to have her in my life. One of the most unforgettable moments of my life is when she walked in my hospital room after having delivered Amita and my mom saw her for the first time - I'll never forget the look on her face. She looked back at me and it was as though our bond had somehow strengthened - I understood all the times she said, "when you're a mother you'll understand" and how she would say that there was nothing stronger than a mother's love. She was absolutely right. In that moment I finally understood the extent to which she loved and cared for me all those years.


So here's to you, mom. I love you.  I sincerely hope you have a happy Mother's Day. Wish we could be there to celebrate with you.

That's Important to Me

I've always been a rebel at heart, a person who likes to go against "the man" and do things my own way. I've always held my convictions very strongly to my chest and have no problem sharing them. However, I've noticed in the last couple of years I've gotten pretty mellow in terms of my mood, feelings, and emotions. I'm more sensitive than I used to be, more accepting than I used to be, and just generally a more relaxed person. It's not like I was trying to be high strung earlier, I'm just not, now. About two years ago I was hanging on to something petty - still angry and hurt about it nearly a year after it happened. I also had a hard time after Amita was born adjusting to motherhood and the move to Michigan and I never really got over that either. I remember thinking to myself, "Am I being the person I want to be?" and "Is this the best you've got to offer the world?" I realized it wasn't, and I didn't like that about myself.

Over time I've been working on being a better person - the person I want and strive to be- and it has made me infinitely happier. I'm not sure if it was quitting my job, becoming a mom, moving away from family, getting older, or a combination of all of those (most likely), but I've come to really enjoy where I am in life. That's not to say that everything is perfect all the time and I don't get stressed out. It's just to say that when I close my eyes at the end of the day, I am happy. Happy in a way wasn't "before". Before what, I'm not sure. I just know that I didn't use to feel like this, and now I do. Since moving I have been really concentrating on things I feel are truly important - things that make me happy and give me peace - and trying to weed the "junk" out of my life. 

Inspired by the song "That's Important to Me" by Joey + Rory (the best singer/songwriter duo in country music, in my humble opinion), I have compiled a list of the things that are important to me, large or small. The things/beliefs/attitudes that make a difference in my life - things that mean something to me. So, without further ado, here are the things have affect me and make me happy, in no particular order.

Family. I love them "with a love that is greater than love", to borrow from Poe. There is nothing more important to me than them. Nothing.

Television - or lack thereof. I gave up TV once Amita was old enough to start paying attention and it has been one of the best things I've ever done. I don't need that crap and neither do the kids. I let them watch a show or two on Netflix every now and again but they don't constantly watch it. I am never up to date with current events but I don't care. Ridhwi and I watch one show a night (usually a series) and that's it. I could do without that too but Ridhwi likes TV so we do it together. If I don't like what he's picked I just read a book. I don't miss it at all.

Yoga. Yoga calms and relaxes me. It makes me more in tune with my body. When I lived in Platte City, MO, and went to class with Jackie, it was like a religious experience for me.

Candles and incense. I like them. This might sound like a small thing, but there are few things greater in life than lighting a cinnamon Yankee Candle, making some hot chocolate, and watching a movie in the fall. It's the little things.

Having good finances. Staying out of debt (the bad kind) and living within our means is very important to Ridhwi and I. We might have to make sacrifices, but we do it.  

Living somewhere I can "breathe". I am not a big city person. I get claustrophobic. Sure, I like visiting our family in New York City but I couldn't live there. I want a place with a bit of land for a garden, where I can sit on a porch and watch the sunset, and watch my kids run in the yard.

Music. I really like 90's Country, 70's rock, Americana, and Bluegrass. My favorite bands are the Avett Brothers and Joey + Rory (they speak to my heart). Again, it's the small things.

Being a mom. It is important to me that I am the best mom I can be. My children deserve no less. It doesn't mean that I am perfect or that I have completely given my life to my kids, it just means that I want them to be happy, healthy, intelligent, and kind people, and I try to make that happen.

Loving my husband. Few things in life are worth the time and investment as a marriage. A healthy, strong marriage is such a beautiful thing and I am so thankful that I get to be a part of one. That doesn't mean that Ridhwi and I don't work at it, we certainly do. Each day we make sure they other person's needs come before our own and we have to make communication a priority, but the rewards that come from that are amazing. I'm so in love with Ridhwi.

Cooking. Not only do I find it relaxing, I enjoy giving my family something that I lovingly made for them.

Books. Nothing is better than getting caught up in a good book.

Believing that you get out of the world what you put in. Being slow to anger, understanding others, forgiving quickly, and loving in abundance, are very important to me. It's not always easy but I do my best and make conscious decisions to change my thoughts/behavior to be a better person. Do I find myself thinking that the girl next to me shouldn't have worn that outfit? Sure, but I keep it to myself. The energy we put out in the world returns to us. Why put unnecessary negative thoughts and feelings in the world? Enough bad energy exists without unnecessarily and consciously adding to it, thank you very much.

Opening the windows in the spring. Ridhwi doesn't understand this one but I'm telling you, the crisp air, the gentle breeze, the sounds of nature, it's something I look forward to every year, allergies be damned.

Spending time with God - in any form. During Ridhwi's residency we have not been able to go to church as much as I would like and strangely enough, my spirituality is at an all time high. I think the more time you spend in prayer (from where ever you might be), the more the Holy Spirit fills you and helps you spread that peace to others. We pray with the kids daily and I do daily meditation before bed.

Doing what you enjoy every day. I really enjoyed teaching but I didn't enjoy dealing with some of the kids and politics in the school. I also really want to spend these years with my kids. I am lucky enough to be able to be a stay-at-home mom and have come to really enjoy it.

Some times it is better to be a nice person than to be "right".  Some people get so caught up in being right that they don't realize they are being offensive and hurting people. I'm not sure why they feel the need to do so, but being a good person is always the road we should choose, even it means accepting that other people are allowed to do things differently from you. Just because you may be "right" or "telling the truth" doesn't mean you're not being an ass.

No longer feeling as though I need to make other people think/feel the same things I feel. You know what? We're all different. It's not my job to worry about the state of your eternal soul or your conscience.  It is more important to be nice and respectful, and do the things that bring everyone peace. You want to commune with aliens on your head in the desert? Go ahead, if it makes you happy. We are all allowed to have different ideas (as long as they don't hurt anyone else). It's what makes us all unique and interesting. Let's just live in peace with each other.

Realizing that I am the only one in charge of my feelings/actions. Am I feeling hurt, stressed, emotional? I can choose to feel differently. My emotions are not out of my control. This has not been an easy realization, but it is true. It is not always easy to do, some times I want nothing more than to flip off a bad driver (and there are plenty in Michigan) or dwell on something that hurt me or makes me angry. But you know what? Those negative emotions and feelings affect me, no one else. I feel much better when I choose to forgive someone and move on, or choose to assume the best of a person (they must be driving their pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver a baby, right?). I don't let people walk on me but I do consciously choose to see the best in the world and dwell on positive things.

I want to be a good person. To enjoy life as best I can while I'm here. To love my family with abandon.  To live in a house that I have made a home and is filled with things I love, to show others how much I love them, and enjoy the simple things life has to offer. These things are the things that are important to me.

Not-Just-For-Easter Egg Hunt

My husband had to work the entire Easter weekend - Saturday until Sunday afternoon in the hospital. Because of this, we had our own family egg hunt late Sunday in the front of our apartment so Daddy could partake in the festivities. 

One thing I learned having my own egg hunt instead of going somewhere - egg hunts are AWESOME! Do you know how engaged my kids were? First, they ran around for a long time. Then, they sat very nicely while we opened each egg and put the jellybeans in a bag. For Amita, it was also learning experience. She was identifying colors and counting each jellybean. They also behaved after that for a long time. The whole hunt took about an hour. The only downside was protecting the eggs from the 5 year-old neighbor hoodlums-in-training who told me that if I put the eggs on the pavement they would run over them with their bikes and then eat the candy. They then kept a close eye on our activities until the eggs were picked up.

I'm thinking I could do several educational things:

1. Puzzle pieces - put the puzzle together at the end
2. Pieces of paper with letter or words. Once they are old enough to read they could put sentences/stories/poems together using the words
3. Magnetic letters - I could have them match the upper to the lowercase as well as just identify them
4. Pictures of Animals - we can talk about each animal and the sound it makes
5. Fill them with clues (when the kids are older) of where a bigger "prize" is hidden
6. Coloring book pages

And some non-educational things:

1. Stickers
2. Jelly bracelets
3. Goldfish crackers or some other snack- make 'em work for their food, ha!
4. Rocks. For some reason Amita has a weird thing about rocks. She really likes them. Poor Ashima probably wouldn't enjoy this one very much.
5. Nothing- you gotta keep 'em on their toes!
6. Their own toys - they'll be like new again!
7. Hair ties - they love them
8. Band aids - Amita thinks they are the newest craze in fashion
9. Crayons

My sweet babies. 

Book Review - The Everything Homeschooling Book

I give this book a 10/10. It is available here. 


I really enjoyed reading this book. It gave me a lot of insight and very helpful, practical advice about how to successfully homeschool. It includes resources, including many websites, strategies, and methods. It also has different educational activities and examples for K-12 which includes information about different learning styles and specific needs. It also included something that was really good for me - a typical homeschool day - which is one question I still have unanswered for if we decide to continue K-12. 

I think this book is incredibly helpful and I intend to purchase it so I can reference it if I have a question. This one is a winner!

Awesome Alphabet Learning Circle

I was on pintrest the other day pinning a bunch of recipes I want to keep. While I was there, I saw a pin about putting the alphabet on the floor. Since we've been working pretty hard on lower case letters (Amita only knows upper case) I decided to do it. What I couldn't imagine is how much the kids love it. Mommy for the win!

I used painters tape so it comes off easily. Also, let me tell you, I've never had greater appreciation for letters like X, T, and Z. Those round letters can be difficult and I hope they don't come off if the kids step on them. Also, if I had thought of it, I might have somehow pre-spaced my letters. I went from thinking I had too much space to having too little. I am not going to redo it, though, I had just enough tape so I'll have to take it as it is.

Possible games/activities I've thought of using the circle: 

1. Assigning each kid a letter - when I read books they have to sit on that letter while I read (also keeps them from crowding me and pulling each other's hair as I read - definitely a great idea!). 
2. Musical Letters - dancing/marching around the circle when music is on, turning it off, and having them run to a letter. 
3. Having them trace the letters with their fingers.
4. Placing corresponding objects on the letters - plastic eggs on the letter E, a bear on the letter B, etc. 

Can you think of any games? If so, please comment and I'll add them to the list!

Mommy Motivation

I had a horrible day last week. The kids were terrible, they wouldn't nap, I hadn't been able to take a shower, and the apartment desperately needed to be cleaned (like, bad). I remember sitting on the floor holding two crying kids, thinking about calling my mom, crying, and asking her asking her to get on a plane and come and help me.

After a few minutes of self-pity, I realized that wasn't really an option (my mom lives in Kansas, I live in Michigan). So, I pulled up my big girl panties and tried to make the situation better. I made funny faces, and tried to tickle the kids, read books, tried turning on music and dancing, everything I could think of.  Nothing worked. Eventually gave up I turned on Veggietales and that distracted them for long enough that I was able to take a shower and get some housework done.

While all of that was going on, I kept thinking to myself, "can I really do this for the next 15+ years?" and "is this what it will be like when I homeschool?" So, I got on the internet and googled all sorts of combinations of the words mommy, homeschooling, and motivation,  thinking that I would immediately feel refreshed and renewed by reading some words of wisdom. Do you know what came up? NOTHING. At least, nothing useful. Plenty exists about how to get kids motivated while homeschooling and how to make them interested in the material, do their lessons, etc. Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed with the idea that I will be completely in charge of my children's education? Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed when the kids are a mess? What do those perfect homeschooling moms do when their kids won't stop crying long enough to get a few words in, let alone any sort of lesson? Where are the blogs about that, HUH?

I am working under the assumption that these bloggers want to keep up the illusion of a perfect house with perfect children and a perfect homeschooling day. The is not the case in my house, though, and I don't mind telling you that. 

As I've mentioned before, I started doing a homeschool curriculum that is mailed to our house every month. I bought it partly because of the convenience factor and partly because of the creativity factor (namely, my lack thereof). It is a three day a week curriculum because Amita is only two and soon to be three and doesn't need to be spending too much time in "school". She's still my baby and needs free play. The part that I did not consider when I purchased this curriculum was the prep time - which is quite a bit (an hour or so) the first day it comes. It might not seem like a lot but when I'm by myself with the kids it is really hard to find uninterrupted time to complete the necessary prep. Then, I started feeling guilty because we spent money on a curriculum and I hadn't used it in over a week. Then, I got behind and wondered if I could do a lesson on clouds during any month other than April, as the curriculum stated. Surely, not, right? Then I thought, "why in the world am I wondering about this?" It is obviously not the most important thought I've ever had. I was getting myself worked up for no reason.

Last week at Amita's swim lessons, the instructor had the kids floating on their backs for 10 seconds. She would count to 10 in english and spanish. About three days later, we went to the grocery store and I asked Amita to count how many apples I had put in the bag. She promptly says, "uno dos, tres, cuatro, cinco." NO JOKE. I couldn't believe it. Then, to top off this moment, Ridhwi turns to me and says, "Amita is not being challenged enough".  I was shocked. Then, I felt bad. Why am I not teaching her mandarin, japanese, german, or all the other languages? Should I start her multiplication tables? How should I challenge her? I had to shamefully admit to Ridhwi that I had not been keeping with my homeschooling routine after I had promised I would. Also, if I complete my walk of shame, Amita had been asking for "school" but I had said no a few times because we were out or I was doing housework. Amita really loves to learn new things - she yearns for it and thrives for knowledge. Then I thought maybe I should just throw her into a preschool, see what happens, and be done with this whole homeschool thing. 

What I decided was that I needed some more organization. As hard as I tried, I was still pretty unorganized about the whole homeschooling thing. I blame Maxwell. No, really, I'm learning as I go. So, on a trip to Target, I decided I needed a filing box and folders (I also decided I needed new cups with neat sippy straws, plates, sunglasses, and shoes for the girls. Target is dangerous.). I then divided the folders into days and then went through the curriculum once the girls were asleep and split it up into each day. It was nice because if I had, for instance, a doctor's appointment one day, I could skip a lesson for that day and plan it for the next day. Since I planned ahead I knew I wouldn't get behind. I'm really excited to "start over" this month and if I have extra time I've got the lessons from the previous month to fill some time if I need.

Mommy motivation is something I struggle with some days. One thing I'm learning about homeschooling is that it does not need to be so organized. If I miss a day, I can make it up another day/time. That's the great thing about what I'm doing. I can plan my life around, well, life. My motivation is deep within me and I think once I find the right system I'll feel not as overwhelmed. While it is really hard for me to let go of some of my need for organization, I need to realize that the kids are not always at their best, much like me. It is better to be flexible with a large plan than inflexible with a small plan. Some days I will do nothing while other I will accomplish multiple lessons. When I look at the larger picture I feel less overwhelmed. I realize that this won't work for everyone - some people are awesome at winging it (I am jealous) but that's just not my teaching style. Not while I was teaching in school and not while I'm doing homeschool. I really think this system will work and once I get the hang of it, I'll have my mommy motivation back. 

Surely this will motivate ANYONE, right? 

Did you notice that I even put the little cards up for each day of the month?  I WILL do this!

I planned the whole month in advance with every lesson. I left at least a day in between in case I need to drag out lessons or something comes up and I can't do a lesson that day. No more feeling overwhelmed!

Book Review: Home Learning Year by Year

I give this book at 9/10. It is available here. 

I originally rented the book from the library and ended up purchasing it from amazon. I found it incredibly helpful and informative. 

Let me start out by saying the only reason I didn't give it a 10/10 is because the copyright is 2000. The one I bought on amazon is 2009, so it is still out of date. However, the information is so informative I decided it didn't matter. 

The book is divided into 14 sections - preschool through 12th grade. Each section is subdivided into different subjects and corresponding resources for the subject. So, if you were interested in Preschool, you could find information about preschool, early childhood resources, magazines for parents, magazines for preschoolers, books for parents, books and resources from kids, and best reading lists. If you were interested in 6th grade mathematics, you could find information on what they should know in 6th grade, number theory, ratio and percent, fractions and decimals, operations, measurement, probability and statistics, geometry, and pre algebra. They also have non-core subjects like music, foreign language, health and physical education, and art covered. This book is an organized list of resources and age appropriate materials - a perfect resource for me.

One of my biggest questions about homeschooling was how I was going to know grade-level indicators. This book answers that question and gives me confidence and peace of mind that I will not be leaving anything out of my homeschooling curriculum.

This book is a keeper!

Side note: I think this book could be very informative for parents with children in school to make sure they are meeting all necessary milestones and learning goals. Additionally, I think it could be useful for teachers since it has some great resources and ideas. 

Learning to Love Being a Stay-At-Home Mom

Growing up, I never thought I would be a Stay-At-Home Mom (SAHM). I wanted to be Teacher of the Year. I wanted to inspire young minds, excite kids about reading, teach eager young minds the wonders and joys of a great novel, help students become awesome readers, writers, people, and citizens. I wanted to change lives.

Two weeks after Amita was born in 2011, we moved to Michigan for Ridhwi's residency. At that time, we faced two decisions: I could work or stay at home. If I worked, I needed to begin applying for jobs immediately. I didn't have a Michigan teaching license or daycare lined up. I also took a really long time to heal from Amita's birth (three months) and wasn't feeling particularly up to being up and around, let alone working. The move was hard enough! The thought of going back to work? It was difficult for me, to say the least. I was also completely in love with my little baby girl. I was scared to be a first-time mom with no family nearby and I was even more scared at the thought of putting her in a daycare and not seeing her.

So Ridhwi (who is such a supportive husband) and I went over the numbers and figured out we could wing it. We both liked the idea of me staying at home, and we were excited about doing it. 

I decided that if I was going to be a SAHM, I would be the best SAHM mom I could be. I would be a pintrest-worthy mom. I would make my own laundry soap, make my own baby food, have a perfectly clean house and my children would grow up to be awesome!

At first, it was wonderful. It was like I lived in a dream, a perfect world where I could sleep in, read, watch TV, practice cooking - anything I wanted! After teaching while pregnant, giving birth, and moving across the country, I really enjoyed the break. I took the baby for walks, got a library card, and explored the community. I was happy. However, it was only about two months before I got sick of daytime TV, I didn't want to read all day, Amita was growing and not allowing me the blocks of time to do the things I had been doing, and winter was coming so walks were no longer an option. I started to become restless. Suddenly, only talking to the check-out person at the grocery store didn't hold as much appeal as it did before. I missed all my friends. I missed my husband (who was always gone for work). I missed my family. I missed having intelligent conversations. I missed making lessons plans and my visiting with students.  However, I would look at my little baby's face and I couldn't imagine being anywhere but with her - she was worth every bit of the sacrifice. I wanted to stay at home with her more than I wanted good conversations (although, I will tell you, baby Amita could be a pretty good conversationalist too). I wondered what was wrong with me. I should be so thankful and lucky to stay at home - I should be glad we were able to do it financially.

I was also married to a man who was in his first year of residency. I counted once that he went seven days without seeing Amita because he got home after she was asleep and went to work before she got up. He consistently worked 16-17 hour days and when he was home he needed sleep. I was basically on my own, night and day. 

It was hard. I loved my kid and wanted to spend time with her but I missed working too. Then, when Amita was six months old, I found out I was pregnant again. I knew I wouldn't be going back to work, at least not during residency. My paycheck would barely cover the cost of daycare so it wasn't practical. I also couldn't imagine working and keeping up the house completely by myself, which I would have to do. I was much like a single parent. The more Amita grew, the less lonely I felt and the more work was needed to care for her. I was also very sick during my pregnancy and had a growing belly and doctor's appointments, so that took my attention too. 

Eventually I learned the names of the check-out people at the grocery store and they learned mine. A fellow resident-wife and I had started a mom's group and we met once a week. They were a great source of support. I also stared Parents as Teachers. I was busy and feeling happy and… important. I hate to use that word, important, but it's the right word. I had been feeling unimportant before. When I realized it, I thought to myself, "how could you be feeling unimportant, you're growing and raising human beings!" It didn't change the way I felt, though. I missed feeling like a professional. I missed human interaction. I hated that sometimes, the only person I would talk to all day was Ridhwi. 

With time, and as the kids get older, I've come to see exactly how much I do and how important is is to our family. We really would not have been able to get through Ridhw's residency without me staying at home. Now that the kids are older I am constantly busy I find myself longing for the early days with Amita where I had time to work on personal projects and only one kid. I don't get frustrated because I do things over and over again that never seem to be finished - like laundry and dishes. Instead, I think about how good of an example I'm setting for my children, I'm showing them how to make a home. There are still days where the only person I talk to is Ridhwi. But he is always there for me to talk to and he lets me talk endlessly about my post office frustrations (or whatever I need to talk about). He constantly tells me how much he appreciates all I do for him and the family. He loves me and understands me and this helps tremendously. 

The biggest thing I've learned about being a SAHM: It's a completely different way of thinking. Instead of feeling good because I made a good lesson plan, I feel good because the girls give me hugs and tell me they love me. Instead of staying up late grading papers, I stay up late folding laundry. Instead of getting up early to commute to work, I get up early with my wonderful children and feed them a healthy breakfast. 

Now that we've decided to homeschool, I think I will get some of that professional satisfaction back (it is NOT the reason we decided to homeschool, for the record). When I think about what I wanted with my life: to be Teacher of the Year, inspire young minds, excite kids about reading, teach eager young minds the wonders and joys of a great novel, help children become awesome writers, people, citizens, and to change lives - I realized that I will be doing ALL of those things. Instead of doing them with other people's children, I'll be doing them with my own! This was an incredibly exciting realization for me. 

I've never become a pintrest-worthy mom. I've yet to make my own laundry soap, I tried making my own baby food once and decided it wasn't worth it when Ashima spit it all over my face, and my kids are not always perfect and the house is not always clean.

When I told my mom I was going to stay at home with the kids, she told me that some days I would do little more than hold my kids and some days would be incredibly productive. I've found that to be a very true piece of advice. Some days the house is a mess and I don't get a shower until the kids nap and other days I've gotten more done before 10:00 than I did the entire week before. I have learned to take one day at a time and enjoy each moment with my children. 

It has been a little bit of a rough transition for me, learning to love being a stay-at-home-mom. I feel bad when I'm with my husband's coworkers and feel I have nothing to add to their conversation except that I found a really good coupon this week or to talk about Amita's success with potty training. I'll never get a promotion or win any awards, but I've realized that that is okay. I'm doing one of the most important things in the world - raising my children. 

Every day I am so proud of them. I am proud of the people they are and the people they are becoming. I am proud of them on the bad days and the good days. And you know what? I've come to realize that is all the professional satisfaction I need.